I’m the girl who’s never had a hard time making friends. I’ve always had a handful of individuals to tag along with to high school football games. People have always admired the amount of notifications I have on my phone at any given time. I get an overwhelming amount of happy birthday wishes every year. And to my knowledge, not many people, if any, have bad things to say about me. I was even voted onto the prom court my senior year of high school. Over the years, I’ve found that I get along with just about everyone and have a natural instinct to please other people. From the outside looking in, I seem to be living the ultimate social life, constantly surrounded by friends who love and want to be with me.
I beg to differ.
It’s nice to have dozens of good friends and acquaintances when you want to find someone, anyone, to go to the mall with you at the last second, or you post a picture on instagram and it gets over a handful of supportive comments. But when you have yet to find your forever friend in life, dealing with moments like 3 a.m. mental breakdowns are that much more difficult. The fact that I have connections to just about any social event doesn't make much of a difference for me when I don’t have anyone to turn to when the most personal aspects of my life get messy. Even when something finally goes unbelievably well for me, or I reach a milestone I’ve been working toward, I have a hard time singling out a particular individual who I want to share this news with, and that can be an equally difficult pill to swallow.
Being a “floater” isn’t fun. Being constantly surrounded by acquaintances is, believe it or not, lonely. It has its advantages, but isn’t a long term social status that I’d choose for anybody. I would much rather be loved deeply than widely.
If I had to choose my wedding party at this point in my life, I wouldn’t have a problem picking my bridesmaids. If anything, I’d have too many wonderful girls to choose from. What scares me, however, is coming to the realization that I don’t have any idea who I’d want standing next to me as my maid of honor.
But then I remember that my wedding isn’t for years to come. I don’t, in fact, have to choose my wedding party at this very moment. Unlike a major, I don’t have to declare a best friend for myself. Although the fact that I haven’t found my forever friend can still be frustrating and absolutely heartbreaking, I have people who care about me and would do anything for me at the drop of a hat. I don’t take these people for granted. I appreciate them and their presence in my life more than they know. Maybe one of these very special individuals will grow to be my forever friend, my second half, my maid of honor. Maybe I just have to wait for “Mr. Right” to finally acquire my bff.
Whatever the case may be, if you, my future forever friend, are reading this article, I want you to know that I will cherish, love, and appreciate you to no end. I’ve waited for you for a long time and I’m so excited that you will one day enter my life.
