It can be a polarizing experience knowing when to get out of a relationship and when to stay. I find myself stuck between the often miasmic relationship rhetoric of the past and the hollow, makeshift relationship styles of today. My grandmother told me “If you just let him put his stuff in there, he doesn’t need to put a ring on it! If you give him everything, there are no secrets left. Remember, the man has nothing to lose. You do.” A few years ago, I found that statement old-fashioned. In my grandmother’s day, it was the norm that many women remained virgins until their wedding night. Today, that virtue appears to be dying a slow death. I also didn’t believe that just because you have sex with someone before marriage doesn’t mean they will lose all their respect for you. Also, women can be just, if not more, ruthless and heartrending as men. So I usually just rolled my eyes and tried to explain to her that things are “different today.”

Now while I still don’t agree with her statement entirely, I have to say that in the current reality of Tinder, Grinder, Happn and other “dating” apps, I have come to the alarming conclusion that we are on the brink of a dating apocalypse. Instead of the world crawling with walkers, it’s crawling with fuckboys. Now, as disturbing as that might sound for those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, I assure you this is a new expression out there in society. I first heard the word from my roommate when she came home from a less than unpleasant date. “Well, that was a waste of my time. He’s just another fuckboy.” (These are the moments when I feel old at 26; I needed an elaboration.) By the end of our vocabulary lesson, the definition was still unclear. Since then I’ve heard it used multiple times to describe a variety of men. The best way I can explain a fuckboy is literally the worst type of guy out there. His hobbies include: womanizing, sleeping around, not taking responsibility for his actions and overall being a complete douchebag.

Now, ladies, this doesn't mean that the fuckboys are their own creation. We’re just as responsible for this epidemic as they are. To me, a fuckboy doesn’t just represent one of those guys in a tank top you’ll find at a bar this summer at the Jersey shore. The word represents the horrific trend of dating that our society has created. Everything is driven by an instantaneous need coupled with mind numbing dating games across a variety of social media platforms. The second something isn’t to their liking, bye Felicia! It’s as if we’re constantly looking for better, more perfect people. The truth is we’re all flawed, a little broken and messed up in our own way. If you keep looking for perfection, you’ll end up alone. Why is there more concern about liking pictures than each other? Why do we have to take Snapchats of having a good time with someone instead of living it, experiencing it? People go on dates with their cellphones buzzing on the table every two minutes, and it’s atrocious. How will you ever establish a true human connection this way? How will you learn their nuances in body language, or the emotion in their eyes when you’re distracted by technology and endless possibilities of other people? When I think back to what my grandmother said, I find the overarching statement to be true. If we lower our standards completely, we’re left with people who like to keep the lines blurry to benefit their own desires. If we allow others to be disrespectful and play games with our emotions, we’re the loser in the end, not them.

The dating scene has drastically changed over the years, but the thing to remember is that getting to know someone should be exciting, subjective and intimate. It needs nurturing and attention in order to blossom. Find the balance between appreciating the modernization of dating today with the tasteful respect of the past. Set standards, and hold yourself and your potential suitors to those standards. Be clear and upfront. If your honesty and respect for yourself “scares them,” f*ck them. Better to go to sleep at night knowing who you are and loving yourself than settling for anything less than you deserve. That’s the most attractive quality of all. In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, please don’t become a nation of fuckboys.