Offering emotional support is incredibly important to survivors of sexual assault, but sometimes we find ourselves afraid of being put in a care-taking role this major. This article provides some useful measures to take to protect the emotional well-being and needs of a survivor of sexual assault.
1. Let the survivor know that their experience was NOT THEIR FAULT.
This is one of the most important and impactful ways to allow for open, healthy dialogue between you and the survivor. According to the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network, or RAINN, an American is sexually assaulted every 109 seconds, but only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison. These numbers are as unbelievable as they are disturbing. A huge reason survivors choose not to come forward about their experience is fear of disbelief. Letting a survivor know that you completely believe them (because you absolutely should) provides them with a considerable degree of comfort and understanding.
2. Listen.
The University of Notre Dame's Committee on Sexual Assault Prevention reminds us not to force a survivor to talk about the incident until they themselves are ready in the healing process. Remind them that you are there if they need to talk. The survivor may want closure or to have a better understanding of what happened to them. Allow them this. However, keep in mind an objective, safety-oriented point of view for your friend as to ensure the maintenance of their safety and well-being. Part of trauma is finding out later what can be considered a trigger, so stay close to the survivor every step of the way.
3. Follow his or her lead.
The best way to ensure that your friend gets help is to suggest options and to allow him or her to choose what they want to do. Encourage the survivor to seek help from a trained professional, but understand that the choice is ultimately theirs to make and that everyone copes with trauma differently. Some survivors choose to report the incident; others do not. This is okay. There is no right or wrong way to handle an attack. What's important is the physical and mental health as well as the safety of the survivor. That's it. Be thoroughly supportive and understanding no matter what choice they make or when they make it.
4. Be patient.
Sexual assault isn't an experience anyone should have to go through. The aftermath and healing processes can be long and difficult, but support is what makes all the difference. Don't let go of your friend. Keep an eye on them and check in regularly. Ask what you can do to help them. Let them know that you're willing to do whatever they ask of you. A normal response to an attack is an all-around lack of trust, so let the survivor know that you can be trusted by believing their story and believing in safe actions for recovery, whatever they might be. It isn't uncommon for trauma to lead to depression, PTSD, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. Encourage healthy steps for the survivor to take to keep them on track. If you're the partner of someone who's experienced sexual assault, let them set the pace in the relationship. Their lives are altered, now; things won't be exactly the same. Be understanding - very understanding. And most importantly, don't get angry about sex. Nothing says "I don't care about what happened to you and others are entitled to your body" like an angrily horny partner. Do not be that person.
5. You can't do it all.
Ultimately, it is the survivor's job to survive on their own. Walk with them on their path to recovery and understanding to a point where they can achieve these on their own. Your job is to make the healing process easier, but not to do all the healing for them. Allow them both space and support when they need it, and to top all else, treat them like the same person they were before. Allow them their dignity. Allow them their emotions. Allow them weaknesses and strengths; anger and breakdowns. Allow the survivor to be themselves. Encourage this. Help them realize that they are strong enough and that they always have been. Help them realize that they'll be okay, but grant them the opportunity to be okay all on their own.
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Please remember to always be sensitive to those around you and don’t joke about assault or make light of it as this can be extremely triggering not only to a survivor, but anyone who knows a survivor. Statistically, this is all of us.
