Four weeks ago, I got on a plane and flew over 3,000 miles away from my home, my family, my friends and everything I know. I was absolutely exhilarated and absolutely petrified. This was one of the craziest things I had done so far. I was separating myself from all that was familiar for a relatively extended period of time. What if I hated it and wanted to come home? What if I realized, too late, that this wasn't what I wanted? It was a lot to process, and sometimes it felt like my head was spinning. But despite all fears and paranoia, I got on that plane and flew across the Atlantic –– and now I'm here.
The past four weeks have taught me a lot about myself. I'm not just saying that to be cheesy. Being away from your home and everyone you know kind of forces you to get to know yourself better. Until you make friends, it's really just a me-myself-and-I kind of deal. I've learned how to be more comfortable with being alone. Our society today does not instill in us the true value of solitude. While, yes, humans are social creatures who need interaction to function, we don't need to surround ourselves with people all of the time. There is a beauty in spending time by yourself. I was able to spend time alone walking around the hills in Edinburgh, Scotland, and it was a very calming experience. I lived that moment for myself. Being alone isn't a bad thing. You become more at one with your inner person and get more comfortable in your own skin.
Similarly to embracing solitude, the last month of studying abroad has helped me to embrace adventure more. Probably to your disappointment, I'm not an adventurous person. I don't dabble in spontaneity, and I'm extraordinarily cautious when engaging in new experiences. I'm a planner. I like to plan where I'm going, what time I can expect to be back, who's going with me and the list goes on. While I still hold onto that organized quality about myself, I'm starting to loosen my grip. Life can't be mapped out in your planner. Things happen. Sometimes you're gonna miss your train connection and get lost. Other times you won't know how to get to your destination, and you'll need to wander around for a while until you find it. As hard as it is for me to do so, I'm learning to lower my shoulders and take a breath when it comes to plans. Sure, you can have a general itinerary of what you're going to be doing, but you don't need to plot out each individual activity on a graph. I'm trying to reconsider the phrase "getting lost" as "going on an adventure." It's difficult, but I'm working on it.
Being abroad this past month, lastly, has given me such an appreciation for the people I have back home. Even though this experience thus far has been more than I could have ever dreamed of, it's still scary. Homesickness is very real people, and it sucks. But it is beyond comforting to have people back in the states supporting this big adventure of mine. It means a lot to be able to send my family and friends pictures of the new places I explore and have them respond by telling me that it's so beautiful and that they're so happy for me. Having people you know and love encourage your somewhat daunting endeavor makes all the difference.
So, with one month down and three to go, I anxiously await to see where this journey takes me. It's crazy to think about just how life-changing this whole experience really is. For the first time, I'm really living away from home, away from the stuff I know, and experiencing my life somewhere totally new. It's actually a really amazing thought. It startles me sometimes. I know it's a time I won't really forget, and I can't wait to see what comes next.
