“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
First love. It's great, isn't it? You feel as if you're on cloud nine.
You feel so invincible.
You feel so loved.
You feel so special.
You feel so happy.
You feel as if he is the one because he told you that you were the one.
On this journey of falling in love, you plan to go skydiving with your lover. Hand in hand, you sit in the plane with a parachute strapped on your back. While holding hands with your man, he kisses your cheek and tells you that you're the best thing that has ever happen to him and that he loves you. You smile and you can see the joy in his eyes as he says that to you. You tell him with truth and honesty that is harvested in the depths of your soul that you love him as well. Because you do.
You both gather near the opening of the plane and he counts to three. You anchor your hands tightly together and jump out of the plane; the only thing that keeps you from falling. As you're descending through the sky, you look over at him and thank God for such a magnificent guy in your life.
Preparing to land safely you grip the parachute cord tightly and pull it, but the unthinkable happens. It malfunctions. No safety net. No parachute. No one there to catch you. Just you, falling through the unknown sky and hitting the ground with a mouth packed full of dirt. You feel dead. Lifeless. You feel as if a knife has pierced your heart and lungs. You find it hard to breath, as if you have fallen off a horse at a dead gallop.
As you try to lift your injured body off the ground, you see him, your man and his parachute safely embrace the soil. No wounds. No signs of injury. He comes up to you and tells you he has "no time for you." You stare at him for a dead ten second glare-down with confusion in your eyes; feeling so paralyzed. You can't react because everything he has ever said to you is racing through your mind. He tells you he is sorry and walks off to his truck with another woman roaming through his brain. The woman he told you was just a friend. The woman that you met one night standing in a grocery store parking lot. The woman who stared him down like a piece of meat while you were standing right next to him. And once again, the woman he told you was just a friend.
You sit there utterly puzzled and heartbroken and you try to understand what you did wrong. You ask yourself a million questions. All of which keep coming to the same answer, the same dead end; you didn't do anything wrong. That's the truth. The truth is you did absolutely nothing wrong. He rigged your parachute. He filled your head with lies, sweet talked you, and made you believe that he was different; that he wouldn't hurt you. When it was all said and done, he did. He did what he said he wouldn't do. He wrecked your heart and messed with your mind.
As the days and months go by, you find yourself slowly fixing the pieces he shattered. You're becoming stronger than you've ever been. As you analyze the events of your so called "relationship" with Prince Charming, you finally realize he was never there for you when you needed him. He didn't come to your sorority semi-formal like you really wanted him to and he didn't even come to your 21st birthday party. The one person you wanted there the most, didn't even show. He failed you. Being the sweet, good girl you are, you continued to give him second chances. You never complained once about his behavior or lack of attendance. He said all the right things, but never proved that he truly loved you like he said countless times. He just wanted to get somewhere with you, but when he couldn't get where he wanted to, he hunted down another woman and left you broken. But, the funniest thing about being broken is that time heals your injuries, the scar is still there, but it’s part of your past. It's part of your story. It's a lesson that God wanted to shape your heart with.
You will never forget the feeling of a first love. You'll always be thankful for him, as he gave a meaning to a something that you only read about in fairy tales (minus the whole happy ending part). You'll also never forget how he hurt you like no one else ever has. With untold tears and prayers, forgiveness for him has helped to patch your heart. So, the next time you fall in love, you won't fall for "I love you." As you fall in love, fall in love with a man's actions, not his words. Words mean absolutely nothing if he cannot prove them. Fall in love with his ability to make you smile. Fall in love with his character. Fall in love with the way he treats his family. Fall in love with a man that respects you and treats you right. Fall in love with a man that loves God and speaks to Him because if he does, he will love you flawlessly. You will never again just fall for "I love you."
And some other things I learned as well.
- Make sure you do not lose yourself while loving someone else.
- School is far more important than boys. (GPA drop big time. I fixed it though. Blood. Sweat. Tears. And money.)
- When the relationship is all texting and no calling, it's faker than a three dollar bill.
- Your worth is not determined by someone else. God sent his Son to die for YOU. You are worth more than you know.
- Fall in love with yourself first.
- Never fall in love with a man that says the right things; make him prove it.
- Your friends and family are always there for you. (Thank God for my amazing family and sorority sisters.)
- God is always with you; He never abandons you.
