My First Experience With Tarot Cards

My First Experience With Tarot Cards

Because sometimes it's nice to take a step back from your reality.
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It’s no secret that I’ve been stressed out lately. Between school obligations, extracurricular activities, personal relationships and thinking about the future I’ve found myself burned out, especially tonight.

Lucky for me, I have a roommate who not only understands how I’m feeling but also had an idea to change my mindset as I was on the verge of a breakdown; she pulled out her Tarot cards and suggested that she do a reading on me.

Now I’ve never had an official reading done before but it has been something that I have often wondered about. Do they really work? Would my reading be applicable to me specifically or would it be more generalized? I mean, you never know until you try. In the name of curiosity I decided to see what the process was all about as we sat on the hardwood floor of our bedroom and she brought out the cards which were neatly wrapped in a cloth.

She handed me the stack of cards and told me to shuffle them myself because if she shuffled them the outcome could have been different and ultimately effect my reading. I shuffled the deck of cards and handed them back to her, anxious about what was to happen. She laid out all of the cards on the floor in between us and began to do my reading.

The cards were broken up into different groups pertaining to several aspects of my life based on personal traits, home, career, love and future. The first card that she flipped over was called the anchor, which would be the base of the rest of the reading, and it symbolized hope and optimism for the future in the face of adversity. How appropriate. The rest of the results from my reading are listed below.

Personal

My roommate told me that this set of cards indicated that I was overwhelmed (bingo) and needed to take some time for myself in order to gain balance back into my life. So far so good. She said that this set of cards also revealed that I was having internal struggles about some of the choices that I have made but that these problems could be resolved by introspection. I couldn't consciously identify what the choices were that she was referring to, but when is self-reflection ever a bad idea?

Home

According to my roommate, these cards pertain to the environment where I live and the space that I occupy. She said that these cards indicated that my feelings about my current environment are like the tides, as in they go in and out, constantly changing and that if I wanted to see a change in my environment then I would have to enact it myself. She also said that the cards read that I like to keep my area in an organized chaos-type way, which, if you know me, is very true.

Career

These cards indicated that I am passionate and strong in all aspects of my future career goals. They said that there will be struggles along the way in my career path (which I expect in the competitive field of journalism), but that with perseverance I would be able to be successful through my own means. This was reassuring to hear. During this part of the reading, I turned two of the cards to face the same direction as the other two (because that's just how I am) and my roommate smiled and said that it was an interesting thing for me to do because it showed me taking control of my future career endeavors by aligning the cards a certain way. Very interesting, right?

Love

According to my roommate these cards can be interpreted in several different ways; they can describe the person that I am, they can describe the person that I will to be with romantically or they can even describe the people that I have friendships with. These cards indicated that I was working through struggles with people in my life who I am close to and that these struggles will come to an end through my work to fix them or abandon them entirely. The cards also described someone who was independent (which again could be me or could be someone in my life, both of which are applicable I think) but relied on another person to act as a balance in their life.

Future

My cards for this section were much less direct than any of the other sections in that they read very vague messages about times of struggle followed by times of achievement and that again, it would be up to me to make it through struggles with a clear head in order to sort out the things that I needed to do.

My analysis of the situation:

The underlying theme of my reading was that I have will have a large among of control over most of the things that will occur in my future if I find a way to balance my emotions and work persistently towards what I want. After an hour of sitting on the floor of our bedroom, listening to my roommate read about the meaning of my cards and thinking at what the future could hold for me in a more light-hearted way I feel much better about the state of things. I think there is an important lesson to be told from this experience in that sometimes it doesn't hurt to have a little faith, try something new and find something to believe in (even it that just means having a renewed faith in yourself).

Cover Image Credit: http://clairvoyant.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/4cardspread1.jpg

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Tanya Gold, Your Fatphobic Article Is Uneducated And Arrogant

BREAKING NEWS: Women come in all different shapes and sizes!

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Just recently, Nike released a plus-size mannequin at one of their stores in London that showed off their plus-size leggings and sports bra. And, because we live in a world where being fat or overweight or obese is somehow the worst thing in the world to some people, this has sparked a lot of discussion.

Tanya Gold wrote an article for The Telegraph saying that this mannequin “cannot run" and is “likely pre-diabetic" and “on her way to a hip-replacement." Not only is Tanya's article uneducated and poorly written, it's completely fatphobic and embarrassing.

What I would like to know is this: why can't plus-size women work out in Nike clothes just like a size 2 woman? People want to scream from the rooftops that plus-size women are fat because they don't exercise and when companies FINALLY start catering to plus-size women with clothes they can EXERCISE IN, people lose their minds and think that they're promoting obesity.

What are plus sized women supposed to work out in if they can't even wear Nike leggings without being fat-shamed?

Would you rather them wear jeans? Overalls? A parka, maybe? What about a garbage bag?

Let's also discuss the fact that being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy, just like being at a “normal" weight doesn't make you healthy. Did you ever stop to think that some women have diseases that make them gain weight that they, in return, can't lose? Some women can eat salad for every single meal, seven days a week and they still can't lose weight.

Let's all say this together: SIZE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FITNESS. Being thin doesn't equal being healthy and being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy.

Everyone (and yes, I mean EVERYONE) should be able to be comfortable in their own skin AND in their clothes.

You can't sit and pout saying that fat people don't care about their health and then when they want comfortable clothes to wear while they're EXERCISING, hell has frozen over and how dare Nike cater to people who aren't a size 2.

Tanya, be honest with yourself. You aren't anywhere near a size 2, either, so where is all of this coming from? Are you self-loathing? Do you have some kind of internal fatphobia?

Pick a side, Tanya. You can't hate people who are overweight because you think that they aren't exercising and then when they do exercise and they get clothes that cater to them, it's all of the sudden wrong and horrible.

We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. As if women (and men) weren't already being shamed enough for being plus size, we're now being made to feel bad because a brand caters to our size so we can wear the same clothes all of the other sizes can wear.

Thank you, Nike, for making your brand more inclusive for all shapes and sizes so we can ALL feel confident in our clothes.

I think it's worth mentioning that Nike released their plus-size line in 2017 AKA 2 years ago... Why weren't you mad then?

Oh, and, Tanya Gold, you might want to stop smoking since you're all about being healthy, right? You don't want to get lung cancer or anything, do you?

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