I recently came across an article published a little over a year ago called "Chivalry but Equality." The article argues that the feminist movement is a double standard and that it puts an unfair pressure on men to live up to a certain expected role. The author, Prentice Reid, points out many “double standards,” such as the fact that men are expected to hold the door open or fix a flat tire while still viewing women as “independent.” His argument is centered around the fact that men are unfairly expected to pay for a first date. Reid’s opinion is that if a guy refuses to pay on the first date, women think he isn’t “worthy of even being called a man!”

While I too believe that it is ridiculous to assume men will always pay on a first date, I think that the issue has deeper roots. The problem with what is left of modern dating culture is based on a larger social pressure faced by both men and women, and this is the fact that men are typically the first to approach a girl and ask her out on a date. This expectation is deeply rooted in social history, and while it is, in theory, widely understood that a woman is more than capable of asking a guy out, there are still large social stigmas surrounding the action.

"It makes you look desperate," people say. It makes you seem too interested in sex. It makes you seem manly. It makes you suddenly unattractive. While I strongly believe that this is not the case, and I will never hesitate to be the first one to text, call, approach or ask out, I know so many people who are scared to do so because of how they think people will judge them.

Girls are so often told that by approaching a guy first they are selling themselves as easy, craving sex, too pushy, needy, too bold, inappropriate, aggressive and unfeminine. The list of negative connotations found in dating culture to women asking the man out could go on for pages. Girls are still being raised to believe that it’s wrong to put themselves out there and show that they’re interested. The sad thing is that it’s not just men labeling women in this way, but it’s also women judging each other. Girls call each other "slut" or say that someone gets around when she puts herself out there too much. It can even be a subtle comment such as "Wow, you’re going on another date tonight," or "She’s very needy." No one ever tells her "Damn, go you for taking the initiative and asking."

The thing about asking someone out on a date is that it usually includes either the guy or the girl asking the other to go to dinner, lunch, the movies or anything really. What is important is that one person is offering to take the other somewhere. That person is going to try to impress the other, make them happy and make them feel special. The person asking likely has no way of knowing the other’s interests or financial status, and therefore has no right to ask the other to pay! By asking someone on a date, it is implied that the date will be on the person doing the asking, whether it be a man or a woman.

Reid aggressively declares that “it’s up to men to force women to choose which role they want to play and to hold them to it.” How is a woman supposed to follow Reid’s sexist and preposterous advice if she can’t even make the decision herself by asking a guy out without being judged?

So instead of complaining about the fact that you have to pay for your date's meal on your first night out, maybe stop labeling progressive women willing to put themselves out there as unattractive, forceful and un-ladylike. If you aren’t willing to be polite and kind to a girl you are trying to impress, then why are you even asking her out in the first place? If you really don’t want to pay then just don’t ask girls out and wait for them to come to you. You’ll likely notice that it doesn’t happen as often as you would have thought. Maybe next time you notice someone commenting on how pushy that girl who just asked your friend out was, you’ll see how wrong that is. And maybe you’ll even do something about it.