In a life comprised of many individual moments, it is easy to underestimate the causality each one has on your life as a whole. Too often we get lost in the fear that our lives will never change or that the problems we face today will persist until tomorrow. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. This life philosophy has led people to think that I do not care about the present or that I have too little concern for the future, but in actuality, I am just as scared as everyone else and the present affects me deeply. The way I cope with day to day is knowing that everything is going to happen the way it should, even if I do not like the outcome, the only thing I can do is try my best, make the best decisions (or at least attempt to) and maintain a positive outlook on life. This life philosophy, however, is one I have only just recently begun to identify with as I realized that everything that I believed to be bad and disappointing in my life has brought something different and changed my life in ways I would have never foreseen.

My first developments of this philosophy were created in high school. This time for me, like many, was a time of continual change and questioning. At the end of my freshman year, I thought I had everything set out. I knew who my friends were and where I was striving to go to college. Things started to change though as, over the course of the next year, my three best friends moved, one to North Carolina, one to Boston, and one to Los Angeles. Losing my best friends at school appeared to be the worst thing ever and I believed that I would not have any friends the entirety of high school and I sat alone for a good amount of that time until a girl I had really never talked to reached out to me and invited me to hang out with her, and thus I found my new friend group that I have to this day. I fell out of touch with two of the three friends that had moved away and I became extremely close with one of them. From this, I learned the significance of a long distance friendship. From sitting alone for a little bit of time and losing my friends I gained a larger group of friends and learned how to maintain a friendship over a long distance.

In addition, I had an overarching goal in high school: to go to college as far away from home as I could get. I wanted to experience different things, have new adventures, and feel what it is like to be on my own somewhere that wasn’t so close to the Bay Area where I had grown up. I maintained this opinion all four years until the last three months of high school. I had applied to Washington, Oregon, Connecticut, and Southern California schools and Santa Clara.

I cannot stress enough how little I wanted to go to Santa Clara University. I came from a family with two alumni parents and I had grown up going to basketball games and alumni events and felt extremely overexposed to the school. My parents practically forced me to apply and tour and really pushed me to be open-minded. It was really only until I was accepted and was two weeks from the decision cut off that I actually considered Santa Clara. Many people at the time thought that I was only considering Santa Clara due to the fact that I was in a relationship with a junior in high school and wanted to stay nearby him the next year, which was definitely not my intention at all.

It came to be a week before the decision and I still had not chosen where I was going. It was between a school in Oregon, Washington, and Santa Clara. I was almost 100% sure I was going to Gonzaga in Spokane, Washington, and I had already found a roommate that I liked and had convinced everyone I was going there but I sat in my counselors room only four days before the decision deadline, something did not settle with me about going to Gonzaga and I realized that everything I was looking for in college was at Santa Clara and the only reason I discounted it was because I was so stubborn about wanting to leave the Bay Area.

I decided that day that I was a Bronco and I have not regretted it since. I believe that I had to have the experience of hating the idea of Santa Clara in order to have reached my decision on my own. To add to this, being closer to home, although a fear of mine, ended up being one of my best choices as I can have lunches with my brother, who is my best friend, and talk with my parents. I can also visit my grandpa who has had some health issues the past year. Being close to home is really comforting because I know I can be there if something happens and because my support group is only a fifteen-minute car ride away.

Flash forward past summer to the beginning of school. My boyfriend at the time was moving me in and I was meeting everyone I would be living with and I was freaked out. There was honestly so much excitement and everyone was ready for Welcome Week (the first week of school). I thought I had it all set, I would make friends at school, keep my relationship, and become a straight-A student in Biology, convinced I would be a doctor.

Looking now, I only have accomplished one of those things and I am not even too upset about it. The first few days of school, all my floormates were going out and exploring the Santa Clara area and having a good time.

However, I was staying in my room texting my boyfriend trying to share in words what college was like - how things were - and trying to reassure him that I would see him soon. I felt super alone at a school with people I did not know so he seemed like my only lifeline at the time.

Three days into school, he broke up with me because he did not think he could stay with me because college produced too many anxieties for him and I was heartbroken. I was super sad that day and I was convinced that this was the end of my love life forever. However, I got way closer to the people on my floor through my breakup as I saw how they were there for me despite barely knowing me.

This sounds like an exaggeration but believe me when I say that college is the best place to move on.

There is always something going on and you are often too busy meeting people and studying to even think about silly things like that. I went out with my friends the rest of the week and regretted the days I spent locked in my room frantically trying to reassure my ex that college was more lowkey than it really was. I value our relationship and what it taught me about life and love in general but I am also even more glad that I am without it in college.

I have met so many more people and made so many more friends than I would have if I had spent my weekends with him and not at school. I believe I was supposed to have that relationship and I am grateful that I had it but I am also grateful it ended because it gave way to so much opportunity and life at school and a new type of happiness that came from myself and from the confidence that I developed on my own.

Honestly, five years ago, starting high school in freshman year, I would have never foreseen my life being where it is now.

Every moment has led me to here. Every sad moment, happy moment, struggle, and adventure has brought me to where I am and has shaped my idea of my life.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason even if the events that happen are extremely rough or disappointing.

Oftentimes it is difficult to admit that something has a reason in life because often I question how bad things could have a meaningful place in life. There is suffering in the world and so much pain and it is difficult to admit that some things are meant to happen, especially when they seem meaningless and destructive.

Through my own life events, I believe that everything has a place in your past and affects your future in ways you can never see in the moment and if you look hard enough, you are sure to find a silver lining.