As you grow up you're supposed to find yourself, at least that is what we are told. I am 19 and let me tell you, I don't feel like I have found anything except maybe how expensive college books are. In fact, I would say 98% of the time I feel like I have no idea what I am doing and no idea where I am going. I feel lost. Oddly enough, feeling lost is where I found myself.
I know it sounds crazy but stick with me.
Specifically my senior year of high school into my freshman year of college I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Even now I still have days and weeks where I feel like all I am doing is walking in circles. It was during these times that I would look back on the past and often dwell on it but I quickly learned that is no way to live. But, at the same time this is when a lot of new things seemed to find me, I would meet a new person, or lose a friend and end up spending more time to myself, or I would just have an odd realization.
As these new things happened or I tried new things, as I branched out, I learned things about myself. I am a huge believer in the idea that everything you do changes you in someway and that everything happens for a reason so, even the things that were not so great I looked at as something to help me grow. Eventually I got to where I am now. An incoming Sophomore at Franklin College, a second year varsity diver, a writer and Editor in Chief for the Odyssey, a vegan (a gluten free one at that), and someone who knows herself much more than she thought she would a year, hell, even six months ago.
Looking back over the past year or so I could 100% tell you that a lot of the time I had no idea what I was doing and felt like I didn't even know who I was but now, I could tell you exactly who I am. Well, I could tell you who I am so far.
I am still changing and like I said before there are days I still feel insanely lost and out of place but the past has shown that is typically a good thing.
A very wise woman once told me that change was a good thing and to not be scared but accept it as it comes. Having grown up since then I know what she meant. I used to hate change and hate feeling unsure because I had always known what I wanted in life but she could not have been more right.
As for that quote "Not all who wander are lost" yeah, its true but sometimes it is best to be lost and sometimes its best to be lost and off the path.
