Not only am I about to finish my first year of college, but I turn twenty years old this year. Both are pretty big milestones, and both have brought on new thoughts and feelings about who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.
I know I'm still pretty young, but I've done a lot of evolving over my short lifetime. The person that I was at the beginning of high school isn't the person I was at the end, and I'm not the person I was at the end of high school that I am now. Sure, a year might not seem like a very long time, but once you actually start to realize how much can happen in a single day, it starts to become a little more.... Real. (I know that got really deep really fast, but just stick with me, okay?)
What I'm trying to say is that even if you don't realize you're changing and growing, you are. Even if it seems like days are going and events are occurring with little to no influence on your life, they have a bigger impact than you might notice at the time. This can be a major roadblock, because once you finally see the person that you have become or are becoming, it can be a huge shock - and the adjustment period doesn't always go smoothly, either.
I say this because it's a process that I've been going through for a while. I thought I knew what my opinions were and who I was and what the world was like - but I was wrong. I don't think I have ever been more wrong in my life than I was then, and jumping from a small town to a heavily diverse college campus really showed me that. I've been exposed to more walks of life and belief systems in nine months here than I was in eighteen years back home. Don't get me wrong - my hometown isn't a horrible, terrible place... It's just small. There is little differentiation. But here? Everyone is different.
I'm learning about lifestyles that I've had little to no interaction with. I'm learning about beliefs that I have only heard about. I'm learning that people can disagree and still coexist. (I always knew that people could, but partaking in it is a completely different experience than watching from the sidelines.)
But the most important thing?
I'm learning who I am. I'm realizing what I want my lifestyle to be and what my beliefs are... I'm learning how to coexist and respectfully disagree. I can have discussions with people and we teach each other, because that's how things are supposed to work - it's how you help each other grow.
It seems simple, doesn't it? Redefining who you are? It certainly looks that way from a distance - but it's not. It's challenging. It's difficult. It tests your limitations and your character. But how do you do it?
The next time you find yourself alone, take a look in the mirror and really think about yourself. Are there changes? Do you feel different? Do you not recognize yourself?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, I encourage you to think harder. Really consider why you have changed or feel different or whatever else. Try and understand the aspects of yourself that you don't recognize. It's terrifying at first, accessing parts of your personality and mind that you don't usually. It's scary to break out of your shell and explore a you that is you, but at the same time isn't.
I've gone through all of those phases at some point or another, and still am. I'm learning knew stuff about myself everyday. I'm tested and pushed and question things... But, in the end, it's worth it.
