Growing up, I have gone through many changes. Not just physical changes but also mental changes. These adjustments have shaped me into the person I am today and shown me that I can overcome hardships and experience happiness. My parents could tell that they had a strong and independent daughter. During a preschool pumpkin coloring session, every kid's pumpkin was white. After looking around,my parents looked at my pumpkin, and it was purple. My mom asked me, "Madison, why is your pumpkin purple?" I told her that I wanted to be different. From there my mom knew she had a confident daughter.
Going into the teen years, I started to lose the confidence. I became the girl who only cared about her appearance. Am I skinny enough? Am I pretty enough? Do the boys like me? I started to compare myself to my friends, not just on looks but academically as well. I struggled in school while it was easy for my friends. I started to call myself dumb. Then my only main concern was popularity. Who will I be seen with? What do people think of me? Where am I on the social standing? Sadly from freshman to senior year, I changed. I lost confidence, respect from others and myself and self love. I started to make bad choices and stopped relying on myself. I relied on others. It was as if my own opinion did not matter anymore, and the only thing I cared about were other people's opinions. After a while my family and my best friend were sick of the change, and they confronted me after holding in their anger and sadness for four years. Hearing the truth was hard, but it woke me up and made me realize things needed to change. I missed the confident, caring and loving girl I used to be. After hearing the truth, it made me think. I was blind and stubborn. I told myself that I was okay and that everything was fine, even though I knew that was not true. I knew that it was up to me to bring back the girl I once was. The help I needed was not from others, I only needed myself. Even though it was up to me to solve this problem, the support I received from loved ones helped tremendously.
To those lost and struggling to find themselves, do not give up. It is hard and it takes a lot of work, but in the end it is best for you. Stop relying on other's opinions, and do what feels right to you. Start believing in yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. Start being happy for the life you were given. Everyone in the world was created in his or her own, special way. What would the world be like if we were all the same?
There are many things you can do to find yourself:
1. Try limiting social media.
Yes, it will be hard, and if you can't give it up completely, try limiting the amount of times you get on. If you're trying to keep up with every second of someone's else's life, you're going to miss important events in your own life. Learn to focus on yourself. Do not compare someone's life with your own. Stop comparing your looks with someone who posts tons of pictures on Instagram or Facebook. Once I limited social media, I focused on the real news. I started to realize what is important in the world and what I should be paying attention to. Staying away from social media opened my eyes, and it made me stop worrying about what other people were doing.
Do things that make you happy. Whether it's taking a trip with your family or friends or even alone, go somewhere that will make you happy. Read a good book or start a new series on Netflix. Find something that will keep you entertained.
2. Treat yourself.
Usually this is taken as a joke, but it is true. Why not treat yourself? You deserve it. Get the top you've been dying to wear or buy that new video game you've wanted to play. Go out and get the dessert you have been craving all week. It never hurts to spoil yourself from time to time. With all the stress and emotions that you're going through, it is important to give yourself this treatment.
3. Exercise.
I found that exercising was the best way to relieve my anger and anxiety. In the movie "Legally Blonde," Elle Woods said, "Exercise gives you endorphins; endorphins make you happy." This quote could not be truer. During and after a workout, all of the anger and stress built up is suddenly released. There is nothing holding you back, and it is as if you can escape your problems. It's great for your physical health and also has positive benefits for your mental well being. It was the best decision I made. I found that exercising helped to bring back my confidence.
4. Surround yourself with people who love you.
My problem was that I surrounded myself with the wrong kind of people instead of my true friends. The people who truly have your best interest at heart are the people who can help the most. People that care about you to help you are the people who will be in your life forever. Those friends are the friends to trust. Not only can your friends help but so can your family. Spending time with family helped me find myself. Getting closer and talking about everything in my life helped. Family is one of the most important things in life. They stick with you through anything and are constantly on your side. They are the people that will always love you, and will always see the good in you.
5. Never give up.
Finding yourself or getting back to the person you once were is not impossible. After taking all of these steps, I started to see progress. I was happy with how everything was going and turning out. Finally, I started to see my old self. Everything was back to normal, and now I feel like I am on top of the world. I encourage everyone who is struggling to not give up. Hard work brings successful results. There is a quote by Audrey Hepburn that is truly inspiring. I have had this quote memorized since I was young, but now I understand how to apply it in my life: "Nothing is Impossible because the word itself says, 'I'm Possible'." I framed this quote in my room to remind myself everyday that I can do anything. I encourage those who are struggling to do something similar. Find something that inspires you and something encouraging. Whether it's a quote, painting or piece from a reading, find what inspires you. Look in the mirror and be happy with who you are.
