College is coming just around the corner, and Tinder will be as alive as ever once people get back on campus. Whether you downloaded Tinder because “your friend made you do it” (you’re not fooling anyone here), you just want to talk to people, or you want a serious relationship, Tinder is a great way to meet a wide variety of people and make new friendships with people who live near you. Before you yell at me for using Tinder to seek out an actual relationship, let me tell you how to ditch the scumbags on Tinder so you can bring home a guy who's husband material, or a good girl who can woo your parents.
1. His or her first picture should be a picture that was taken by a third party.
No selfies. Whether it’s a picture of them with their family or some professional portraits, you want your match to be classy -- not taking selfies everywhere they go.
2. Shirtless / Bikini pictures are a NO.
She put the bikini picture on there so you could see her bod. Duh. Same with shirtless boys. No matter how rock hard his abs are, someone trying to market themselves because of their body is someone who will want you for just your body.
3. Someone who doesn’t know how to smile.
Don’t go for the lip bite guy -- he’s always bad news. The guy who doesn’t smile in his pictures most likely is a buzzkill -- and if you were going to take pictures with him when you’re dating, don’t you want someone who will look just as happy as you? Get a match with a real smile or a real laugh -- this person will be genuine!
4. The guy with the dog.
GIRLS, IT’S A TRAP. Sure, the dog’s cute, but every guy knows girls are suckers for dogs. Don’t waste your time with the same “I swiped right because of your dog” conversation. Turns out that someone actually owns that dog -- and now he won’t stop messaging you. But, other animals are great because he’s being original -- marry the boy who has a bunny in his pictures.
5. Pictures with Snapchat filters or text.
They couldn’t just save the original? Also, who is she always Snapchatting?
6. Workout pics.
He likes his muscles more than he likes you. Also, he probably likes your body more too.
7. Pictures with people of the opposite gender.
This makes them come off as a person who has too many guy friends -- always a red flag, or someone who’s still friends with their ex -- You couldn’t choose literally any other picture than the one with the girl who you loved before? Making me jealous before the fist date is a major NO. Try to stick with people of the same sex, or if it’s a family member, it doesn’t hurt to put that in your bio.
8. Pictures in full uniform.
If I can’t see your face because of your football helmet, congratulations, you played yourself. Same goes for hockey, racing, hunting etc.
9. No hunting.
It’s a cool pastime about three times a year -- if your greatest accomplishment is killing an animal, you really need to accomplish more things. If you’re into the “country” lifestyle though, go ahead and swipe right and go hunting on a date or something. The heart wants what the heart wants.
10. No cars.
Sure, I’ll be happy when you drive me around in my Audi A7 when we’re married, but I’m not really interested in your 2004 Dodge Challenger. Or your Harley. Don’t brag about your money to me.
11. Limit one party pic per customer.
A person who parties every weekend is not the kind of person who will ditch parties to hang out with you. People who drink beer every day are not people who will stop drinking beer every day, and people who smoke marijuana or cigarettes every day will not stop smoking just because you want them to. Going to parties is okay, advertising your drunk self at parties isn’t.
12. Memes.
No.
13. “Don’t be shy!/ Just ask!/ Just living life!”
BORING, also you should be able to tell me about yourself in your bio. There’s nothing I feel obligated to know and need to ask you about. What makes you "you"?
14. “Actually 18”
Steer clear of these because they’re usually 16 year olds who changed their Facebook age to something older, and are trying to make sure they sound legal. Jailbait.
15. Bios that are a little too deep.
“I’ve been though some pretty tough stuff but it’s made me into the man I am today!” or “Recently broken up because…” or “How do I define love? Well…” is a little too deep for the first interaction. Also, you need to get over your past and tell me who you are right now.
16. Pictures of tattoos.
I don’t care about your tattoos. I will not date someone just because he or she has tattoos. Tattoos do not make you cooler. Repeat.
17. Uninteresting first messages.
The guy who messages you “Hey” with no punctuation is boring. The girl who messages you “heyyyyy” is not looking for a relationship. Sexual advances are a NO in every case. The best way to lead off a conversation is a friendly (not sexy) compliment, a joke, or even a “Hey (insert name here)! :)”
18. Uninteresting conversation afterwards.
“Where do you live?” and “What’s up?” are two questions that we KNOW you don’t care about. If they don’t try to relate to the information you give them and it’s just small talk and then asking to hang out, then it’s a NO.
19. Things to look for:
People with outdoorsy pictures,
people who have pictures with their friends,
people who are in costume,
people who appreciate the arts,
people who are dressed nicely,
people with funny bios,
people who share interests with you.
Though Tinder is obviously a hookup app, you don't have to let it be that way! You're in control of the conversation and who you want to talk to. There are some quality people out there, so start swiping left on the ex-felons and scumbags and find out who's out there who can make your life happier!
