Mental illnesses are just as debilitating as physical illnesses. Let that sink in your head for a moment, please.
Remember that the next time you loosely use the term “retarded” to describe a slightly air-headed friend who trips on things too much. Remember that the next time you use the word “bipolar” to describe a friend who loses their temper quickly. Remember that before telling someone who’s suicidal or who self-mutilates that they’re just looking for attention. Remember that when you tell your friend who’s suffering from depression that they have it better than others out there. Remember that before you criticize (even jokingly) the eating habits of someone with an eating disorder. Remember that before you call someone “crazy” for hearing voices or having hallucinations. Remember that the next time you tell someone who’s been raped that it was their fault and that they asked for it. Remember that before portraying depression with pretty words and deep poetry. Before posting pictures on Tumblr of flowers on top of a self-harmed wrist as if self-harming is some kind of prideful, beautiful, artsy activity. Mental illnesses are not something to be romanticized. Remember all of this before you disrespect someone who’s suffering from something that’s not in their hands. Mental illness is just as real as anything else, and it’s not something to be demoted or neglected. It can take lives too.
I’ve been surrounded by friends and family who don’t fully understand what depression or anxiety or any other mental illness is. And that’s OK to some extent because we can’t expect everyone to know everything, especially if they haven’t had any past exposure to the subject or haven’t experienced it themselves. But at the same time, it’s important not to trivialize mental illnesses because of your own ignorance. Mental illness is everywhere — one in four American adults in a given year suffer from a mental illness: your friend or family probably has a mental illness that you may not know about. People all around us are fighting their own battles — be kind.
I’ll be honest — back in middle school when I knew very little about mental illnesses, I didn't understand them. I thought they were easily curable — I wondered why depressed people couldn’t just be happy. I wondered how on Earth someone could just kill themselves with no care for their family; I thought such people were cowards. I wondered how someone could self harm — I found it scary and couldn’t fathom the concept. I didn’t understand anything at all until I experienced life on the other side; then my eyes opened to a whole new perspective. I’ve learned that mental illness isn’t in your hands. You can’t control the way your brain is wired and the things that happen to you.
If you have a friend suffering from a mental illness, don’t put them down. Don’t make them feel bad for the way they’re feeling. Don’t make their illness lesser than what it is. Even if you can’t understand what they’re going through and it doesn’t make sense to you, just do one simple thing: be there for them. This is the highlight of this entire article. Sometimes we just need someone to be there for us. We want to feel loved and feel like someone out there has our back. You don’t have to understand mental illness or experience it. You don’t even have to be OK with it. But you should be there. Because that can make all the difference to someone who feels like they have no one.
I can personally tell you that I’d feel so much more awful if I didn’t have friends who were there for me. There was a time in high school when I was suffering and I felt that there was no one there for me, and because of that, I felt even worse. Once I finally developed a strong support system, I felt a million times better. I felt like I was important, and I knew people cared about me and I finally had people to talk to, and that itself made an immense difference. I felt that I could make it through this no matter what because my friends believed in me.
Unfortunately, I still have friends who don’t get it. Friends who tell me to not be depressed over rough bumps in my romantic life because (in the words of my friend), “At least your boy didn’t emotionally abuse you. Maybe you can just be thankful for that instead of being sad.” Friends who told me that I caused certain distressing events in my life to happen because of my personality; that I was asking for it. I have family who tOLD me to lose weight because I was “too fat,” and when I finally reached 110 pounds after meticulously counting calories for months, they told me to eat more so I wouldn't look “so emaciated” and “sick.” I still have people in my life who tell me I’m not perfect the way I am — people who point out my flaws and who aren’t there for me. People who exacerbate my mental illnesses with their hurtful words. And that’s what inspired me to write this article.
Mental illness isn’t a joke. It’s just as real and painful as a broken arm or chicken pox or the flu. So if you know someone who’s suffering and you aren’t sure how to help them, that’s OK. Just be their friend. Make them feel like they matter and assure them that they can get through it. Because they can, with time and support and friendship. So next time you have something negative to say about mental illnesses, just remember that you wouldn’t tell someone who’s suffering from cancer to “just get better” because “people out there have it worse than you.” So why would you say that to someone with a mental illness?
If you’re someone suffering from a mental illness, don’t let seeking help make you feel weak. Reaching out for help makes you a stronger person if anything, as it allows you to accept where you’re at and start your path to recovery. If you ever need to seek help, consider contacting one of the following numbers:
1. Cook Counseling: 540-231-6557
2. Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863
3. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
4. Depression and Bipolar Support: 800-273-TALK (8255)
5. Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline: 630-482-9696
6. Emergency Medical Services: 911
