While I'm pondering about my remaining days in Maryland, I often find myself reflecting about the past days. I thought a lot about the people in my life. As everyone is packing for college and saying their farewells, they are also cleansing- leaving behind clothes that they will never wear, memories that will never last, and people that will never be there for them in the end.
This summer, I learned the truth the hard way. The truth is anyone can hurt you, even those that you thought were your best friends in high school. This summer, I learned to let those people go.
Here are my 13 reasons why I let them go.
What Other People Saw
Usually, people on the outside can see it much more clearly than you will. You tend to be distracted by the temporary happiness and feelings which blurs your judgment. At some point, you're wondering why you're still talking to them and spending every day with them, even though every single one of your friends is telling you to stop interacting with them. I never saw why until I left.
Too Many Excuses
I was starting to make excuses for their actions, for all those times they hurt me. Maybe the first time, it was not intentional. The second time might have been a miscommunication. The third time might have been a misunderstanding. But you can only make so many excuses for someone.
The Respect I Had for Myself
Although it took awhile, I learned that I have more respect for myself than to keep letting them back into my life. People should not be taking advantage of your kindness and forgiveness. You deserve people that do not make the same mistakes of hurting you.
The Lack of Respect From Them
The way I saw it, they did not respect me enough to think about my feelings. If they really respected me and cared for me, they would have been more considerate. If they really respected me and cared of me, they would have learned after the first time they hurt me.
The Person I Became
There's a saying that when you're with people that truly make you happy, that you become your best self. That was not me with these people. With them, I grew to become a really petty, jealous, dishonest, and toxic person. That was not me, or at least who I wanted to be.
Nothing was ever 100% honest and it became clear after hearing the stories from multiple people. It was never the same. Even when I thought I had gotten the truth, I was lied to because I would only discover more devastating news, leaving me hurt once again. They only told me what was convenient and what would ultimately make me forgive them.
When I made a mistake, they were quick to block and leave my life. However, I was always the one to keep trying and save the friendships. When the tables are turned, when they make a mistake, they just assume that I will stick around and forgive them like it never happened.
The sacrifices I made were never worth it. For the sake of our mutual friends, I tried to push everything in the back of my mind and pretend that things were okay even though there was clearly an elephant in the room. I tried to forgive them and go along with our days like nothing had happened. I tried to make the friendship work. But at the end of the day, I wasn't fooling anyone and it only made me bottle up more reasons to be mad and hurt.
My Own Happiness
My happiness was plummeting. I was never happy around them. The mention of them immediately took a toll on my mood. There were so many fights and bad memories that I couldn't ever think of the good times we used to have. I never had anything good to say about them. I realized that it was just a vicious cycle to only get hurt again and again.
Their Lack of Effort
Their lack of effort was not worth my time anymore. It truly sucks always being the one to give and care more in the relationship. Whenever times became difficult, it just felt like I always went the extra mile to resolve our issues where they were just okay with the outcomes regardless.
Too Many Broken Promises
Don't get me wrong, I understand that not everything will go as planned and that life is unexpectable which makes promises hard to keep but that just simply cannot be the excuse every time. I should have known that it was not right when they would promise to make me happy but the only thing they could guarantee was pain.
Too Many Hurtful Words
Some were truly just harsh and painful, some were words of love and wishful thinking. But, for some reason, those words of "love" hurt so much more. Maybe it was because it got my hopes and expectations up- only for it to come crashing down later. If you really cared and loved for someone, you would not say things so unpleasant and harsh.
I deserve better.