This week our editor challenged our team to write something out of our comfort zone. So here I am. I am going to be completely honest. The topic I am going to get into is dark and a lot of people go through it. Just stick with me.
It all started my senior year of high school. My life was all over the place and the only thing I thought about was school. I was a good student, the teachers liked me, and I had good grades. When I wasn't doing school work I would always be working out. Soon I started to noticed I was losing weight. Yet my family never really noticed.
After months I think I lost a total of 50 pounds in like 3 months. My doctor would ask how I am losing weight? I would say "I am just cutting out some foods." But the truth was I stopped eating. At school I could get away with not eating breakfast and lunch. And you start to think, I was hungry at first but after awhile I got used to it, I guess. And I liked having the extra time to study and the more I thought about it, well if I don’t need lunch, then maybe I don’t need breakfast or dinner either. And it kind of became a new project for me. To see how long I could go without eating any food.
Soon some people start to notice. Yet you have done this routine for so long, you are in denial. I was in denial. I started isolating from everyone again, and my anxiety was at an all-time high and panic attacks started to happen daily. I couldn’t take it anymore.
It kind of became a new project for me: To see how long I could go without eating any food. I didn’t want anyone to see me the way I see myself. I was shortly diagnosed with a eating disorder. And I went through it all, denial, anger, depression, its like i was grieving.I didn't want to change. So for a couple of months I just continued what I was doing.
So after a long time of being in denial. I got help. On February 5th after school I packed my things and went to Ohio.
I was attending a IOP (Intensive outpatient program), a rehabilitation therapy most commonly used to treat chemical dependency. I was there for 6 weeks. One of the scariest thing I have done. Going into something you never say your self doing.
I remember one time I was helping my aunt move some beds. Suddenly my hearing starts to fade out, vision is fuzzy, and I started to get really hot. To find out I was about to pass out. That was the first time ever that had happened. That moment was the moment I really thought I have a problem.
Yet there were still some slip-ups here and there but the treatment was working. I was eating and becoming healthy. I remember my aunt talking to me and she said "When you came here you were so pale, like a ghost, you looked sick, and now you actually have color." I was shocked I never really know things were that bad.
I am just so happy I had the amazing support from my family. I put them through hell and back, but they stayed right by my side. you’ll get to see new sides of the people who matter the most to you in the world, as they wrap you in their love and lend you their strength when yours is running low. And then you go off and you fight. You fight like hell. Because, really, what other choice do you have?