“Obviously, a long distance relationship is hard. But, like anything worth having, you make it work.” Leona Lewis.
Communication is key.
I wish I could find a way to make this sound less cliché, but I can’t stress this enough. Learn to communicate in a way that works for both of you. If one of you is unhappy with the way things are going, let them know. If one of you needs something more from the other, let them know. This is not the time to be afraid. No matter how close you are or how long you’ve been dating, being long distance is a whole different scene. They’re not going to know what you need from them unless you tell them.
Trust each other.
I am not going to lie to you, this won’t be easy. They’re going to be living a life completely separate from the one you used to share together. You’ll hear names you don’t recognize, you’ll watch them become close to people you don’t know, and you will get jealous that those strangers are getting to spend every day with them in a way that you can’t. But trust me when I tell you to trust them. No one would go through the pain of a long distance relationship unless you really meant something to them. If they wanted to be with someone else, they would. It’s easier to leave you and be with someone at their own school without the guilt of cheating, than it is to maintain a LDR. The fact that they’re doing it means they are staying loyal to you, and don’t question it. Questioning it will only lead to unnecessary fights that can be more detrimental to your relationship than you’d think.
Make time for each other.
You may be used to talking every second of every day, seeing each other constantly, and having their undivided attention. That’s not going to happen anymore. You’re not going to be able to talk all the time, you can’t see them every day, and you’re not always going to have all of their attention. College is going to be a busy time for both of you, but amidst all of the craziness, make sure you make time for each other. Set aside time, with no other distractions, for one another. Actively try to stay a part of each other’s lives.
Don’t be afraid to live separate lives.
When you realize that they’ve started to build a life without you, it’ll freak you out at first. That’s okay. But don’t let it consume you. Don’t let it prohibit you from doing the same. It’ll be good for the both of you to be able to grow separately, to find out who you guys are without each other. That’s the beauty of a long distance relationship -- it gives you the opportunity to become your own person. Don’t think you’re losing them, even though it’ll feel like it. Think of it as a blessing. Because despite the different lives you have, at the end of the day you will always have each other. While you’re growing separately, you’re also growing together. You might not understand this now, but you will.
It’s okay to be different.
College is a time to truly find yourself, and they’ll be doing the same thing too. You’re going to start seeing differences between the two of you that you never realized before: values, politics, interests, etc. And that’s okay too. Being with someone that doesn’t share the same views as you can be a good thing if you let it. It will challenge you to have an open mind, and it will challenge your relationship. You’re going to have to start learning how to make compromises, and in the long run this will be more helpful than you think.
Give them the space they need, and be ready to admit maybe you need space, too.
Sometimes not talking for a day, or even a few hours, can be healing. Most couples view space as something that can tear them apart rather than bring them together, but unless you try it, you won’t know. Don’t try to suffocate them and force them to give you more and more time, because eventually it will become a burden. It’ll become another chore that they have to do, not something that they want to do for you. I’ll admit, this is probably the one I struggled with the most. I was so scared of losing him that I convinced myself that if he wasn’t sacrificing time for me, then it meant that he didn’t love me. But that wasn’t the case at all. “The greatest gift you can give someone is the space to be his or herself, without the threat of you leaving.”
Sacrifices are going to have to be made.
Sometimes, you’re going to have to turn down going out with friends because they’re going to need you to be there for them. Sometimes, you’re going to have to be okay with not talking too often if they’re busy with other things. Sometimes, sacrifices are going to have to be made. Do these out of the good of your heart, and don’t use these against them later. Both parties are going to have to make sacrifices for each other. There are going to be times where one is going to be sacrificing more than the other, and the other will know it. They may not acknowledge it, but they will know what you’re giving up, and trust me when I say they will be grateful. This goes for every relationship, not just an LDR.
Don’t forget to let the other person know you still love them and want to be with them.
It’s easy to become neglectful when you have so many new things going on around you, and they’re not there to share those new memories with you. But feeling like you’ve been forgotten by the one you love can hurt more than anything else. Sometimes, you’re going to have to run that extra mile -- send her flowers, send him care packages, random “I love you” calls, etc. Try to do whatever it is they need to still feel loved and wanted by you. Let them know you’re trying. If you really can’t do it, talk to them about it. Don’t think you’re failing them or disappointing them and let that discourage you from bringing it up to them. If they can’t understand, then you shouldn’t be with them. But don’t forget to acknowledge their efforts, tell them how thankful you are for the things they do. We’re all human, we like to feel appreciated.
No one is perfect, and when you bring two imperfect people together, it can create something either disastrous or extraordinary. It will take work, a lot of patience, and commitment from both sides. Love isn’t going to be enough, anymore. I know, as romantics, we want to believe that it will be but unfortunately it isn’t that easy. Don’t give up at the first sign of trouble; stay and keep fighting. In the end, it will all be worth it. I promise.
