My battle with body image has not been easy. From a young age, I grew up hearing how a girl was supposed to look, how she was supposed to dress, how long her hair was supposed to be, which boys to like, what to eat -- basically every aspect of a girl's life seemed to be micromanaged. For a long time, up until maybe 14, I was clueless to the fact I had a choice.
In 8th grade, I made a Tumblr. It is a blogging website, and while it isn't always a viable source to everything, I came across the idea of Feminism. At that time, I hated that I was expected to have clear skin and sparkly eye shadow and that my thighs and shoulders had to be censored to accommodate for the Male Gaze. It just did not make sense to me, and as such, I was very afraid of my own body. I thought that my skin was bad and that no one wanted to see it, so eventually neither did I. But this idea of Feminism addressed things like dress code and male dominance versus female submission, and what I loved the most was the body image portion of it.
Once I began to transfer my self worth from male expectations to my own personal expectations, I became more comfortable with myself. Suddenly, my legs weren't so pale and bony; my bare face being heavily treated for acne was beautiful. Then, I decided that my hair didn't need to be long anymore, and following that, I got a pixie cut, and it looked fine as hell.
My life had begun to transform. I participated in more group activities, gained muscle mass, ate better, gained more friends and felt genuinely comfortable in my own skin for the first time ever. My clothing style vastly changed and showed more of who I was, along with bright and vibrant colors in my hair. Over time, I even began to form a love for makeup after vowing to never wear it again, because it was required in middle school. My makeup skills developed more and more, and now I can do killer wings and flattering contour. I started to feel amazing, and it was only because I began ignoring the words, "Boys won't like you if...." because it didn't matter.
Everything I did and have been doing since, has been strictly for me, because I don't stoop to societal male standards, and my life is completely my own. It is truly freeing to see the males in society as your equal rather than being beneath them.
I love myself now. I feel comfortable. I feel alive.
All girls deserve to feel like this. I hope one day the new generations of women find more worth in themselves no matter shape, size, race or appearance, because they are all worth so much.
