We’ve all felt that awful sensation of being trapped. We’ve had those moments— or days, weeks, months— where we feel claustrophobic in our own skin. We toss and turn in the night, our sleep wracked with the worst fears of our masochistic imaginations: a loved one hurting, a loved one hurting us, fighting foes, failing school, falling and falling and falling...
All with a sneaking suspicion that we’re cooking in our own imminent demise.
And with this most recent bout of midterms and all-night study sessions, I imagine a lot of us are feeling a bit trapped or discouraged. And of course, there are always the more extended life trends of depression, anxiety, addiction, and relationship struggles that can wear us down like the Colorado River carving the Grand Canyon.
Do you know what heartfelt words can make these burdens and pain bearable? Even beautiful?
Thy will be done.
No four words have ever helped me more. My trials are nothing compared to so many of the struggles of my treasured friends— Jessica, Meghan, and more— but I've had trials that could have broken me. I remember a moment this past year when I was utterly filled with despair. After months of PTSD symptoms— depression, anxiety, nightmares, etc— combined with a controlling friend who triggered all those symptoms every day, I was done. Five minutes felt like five hours, each second filled with an eternity of agony. I was so exhausted, so tired of the endless waking nightmares, sleepless nights, and constant illogical fear.
I didn’t know if I could go on much longer, but I stopped and thought about my situation briefly.
What do I feel?
Despair.
Do I feel the Spirit?
No, nothing but despair.
But what do I know?
I know that I love Heavenly Father. I know that I want Him to be happy.
I started praying, talking to my all-loving creator.
I can live like this for the rest of my life without doing anything stupid or selfish because I love thee. You don't have to take this trial away. You don't have to bless me. I'll love Thee all the same.
Thy will be done.
Once I made this decision, within twenty minutes, my despair had weakened to tired hurt through Christ's grace. It took a while for life to get significantly better, but oh how wonderful life became! Once I consciously decided that Heavenly Father's happiness was my number one priority, regardless of how good or easy my life was, my trials turned from an unwanted burden to a sacrifice of love. I was willing to endure anything that my Father saw fit, and I was going to love it because He gave it to me. I was going to focus on what I could control, accept what I couldn't, and love life all the same as I took one step at a time.
Whether life gives you a failed midterm or complete success, a great relationship or isolated loneliness, be willing to love it. Everything in our life is either a result of His direct will or circumstances that He has allowed to happen, so lacking gratitude for the life we have is a way of rejecting our Heavenly Father's will.
Accepting His will doesn't mean that we stop fighting. Never stop fighting. But when you've done all you can, and asked for His help sincerely, accept whatever comes. Because from my experience, unless we trust the Lord, He cannot fully carry our burdens for us. And truly, He makes all the difference.
So trust Heavenly Father. Trust that He loves you and wants you to grow into your very best self. Trust that He wants your happiness.
Be willing to say, thy will be done.
