Truth be told, I am a pure breed people pleaser. I spend a good majority of my time trying to adjust the way I talk, the topics I mention, or even the way I stand to make others feel comfortable and pleasant. I sometimes thrive on that control of the situations for myself to feel at ease, but what happens when I have to be put into the unknown with no guidance? Well, it's sink or swim, but many times I end up drowning. The idea of meeting new people, excites me, but the second I actually have to gussy up and actually introduce myself or start conversation, I freeze up. I plan these conversations in my head, or I spend days trying to figure out what to talk to them about, but the second that I have to open my trap… crickets. Why do I do that? I love to talk, I love connecting with new people, but why do I fear initiating a potential friendship?
Well, after quite a bit of time spent dwelling and fearing the answer, it came to me. It all goes back to my people pleasing roots. Since I try to spend most of my time during interactions to make the other person comfortable, it's slowly making me create insecurity of who I genuinely am. This new person is unknown to me, therefore I don't know what they like, despise, or how their personality is. I worry that they may not like me, they might not get my sense of humor, I could come off the wrong way, or maybe they don't need any new friends. All of these thoughts build until I become too anxious to even initiate the contact. So it turns out that this hyper instinct of trying to making others happy, that it is impairing my ability to accept myself as I am.
I tell others to be their wholehearted self and to own their own quirks and flaws, but I have come to realize that I do not even take my own advice. Everyone needs to learn to empower their self and stay true to who they are. No one is exactly like, so be the best you that you can be. Sometimes in these social situations you, aka me, can easily start a pessimistic cycle of downing words, but it is this very moment that you need to remind yourself that you are a confident and amazing person. Whoever this person is that you are reaching out to would be lucky to have a friend like you. You may never know, maybe they are scared to reach out to, maybe they feel isolated and alone, or maybe y'all are more compatible than you could have imagined. So instead of letting that pessimistic language consume you, take a second to remember what good could come from this. Be brave and take that first step. Who knows, they just might turn into your best friend.