Failure is hard. I get it. If I’m being honest, I haven’t failed very much in my life. But let me assure you, it’s not because I’m super talented or good at everything - it’s because I haven’t put myself in situations where I could fail very often. Which, I’m here to tell you, is not a good way to live.
Fear has always been a big part of my life. I’m not talking about the kind of fear that makes you run into your room after turning off the hallway light, or that keeps you from joining your friends on a rollercoaster (although I don’t like those either). It’s much more sinister than that - the type of fear you don’t recognize as a child and that manifests itself in your brain as you grow up, undetected, until you find yourself at college graduation realizing how much you missed out on because of fear. Fear that others won’t like you, fear that you’ll look stupid if you show enthusiasm about something that you like, or fear that you’ll make a fool out of yourself in front of people you respect.
Subconsciously, we just avoid things that we could potentially fail at. Sometimes we just don’t try; that way, we can tell ourselves that we could totally do that thing if we wanted to, but we don’t try so that failure is never even an option. But what happens is that eventually we just stop doing everything. We start to believe the lies that fear tells us. Things like: You’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. That it’s too difficult and so we shouldn’t even attempt it. This is how fear shuts us into a box and cuts off our potential.
The best way to grow as a person is to face your fears. Again, I’m not talking about facing your fear of spiders (no way, Jose). If you find yourself wanting to start something, or pursue something, or talk to someone - do it. Do it even if you’re sweating and your hands are shaking. Guess what: it’ll probably work out. That person you’re terrified to say hi to will probably be super nice, and you’ll probably find something in common. Even if you stutter a little bit during your presentation, you will probably have great information and do much better than you thought you would.
One thing I’ve learned in my life is that if I’m scared to do something, that’s probably the exact thing that I should actually do. Fear makes me forget how able and strong I am. I find myself, more often than I’d like to admit, telling myself that I shouldn’t pursue something because it’s “too difficult” or “I wouldn’t be good at it.” Listen, no one is good at something the first time they do it. Even world-class musicians and professional athletes start somewhere, and it’s probably not performing whole pieces of Bach and returning a kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown. The “secret” is finding something you are passionate about, and then pursuing it no matter how difficult it is.
Fear doesn’t stop you from doing anything. Fear simply makes you scared to do something, and brings every bad scenario into your mind about why you shouldn’t do something. But you’re the one who stops yourself from trying. You have to decide that you’re the only one in control of your life, and not let fear take up residence in your passenger seat. Or your driver’s seat. I’m not telling you to not feel fear, or that the fear will go away after a while. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. You might feel fearful every time you do something new, but that’s not a good enough reason not to do something you want to do. You are a strong, capable person who can pursue anything they want and, with enough work, probably be quite good at.
My favorite sweater says on it, “Fear is a liar.” I love it because it’s true, and it’s a message I want to spread. Fear lies to you when it says you’re not good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough. I have to remind myself every day that fear is a liar so that I can recognize the ways fear limits me and fight against it. I’m writing this article because it’s a reality I know well. But let me tell you, the truth is that you are good enough, and all that you have to do is dedicate yourself and work hard. It won’t be easy to defeat your fear, but the first step is deciding that it won’t dictate your choices. You’ll never live up to your potential if you listen to fear. Put yourself in a place where you might fail. It’s scary, but that’s a good thing—it means you’re on the verge of something great. If you fail, at least you tried, and you learned from it, and will do better next time. But what if you succeed?
“I remembered who I was and I learned to dance
With the fear that I'd been running from.” – Ben Rector
