Father’s Day is never a fun day for me to celebrate. To be completely honest, I hate it and despise it with a passion. I am grateful and unbelievably happy when I see children and their dad’s together out on Father’s Day. For me it fills this void I have, but for me? There is an empty space that I just can’t personally fill and I wish that Father’s Day would only last for a split second and then just go away. I know that sounds harsh and slightly hateful, but this is coming from a girl whose father was never there. To be completely honest, I was not always like this.
At one point in my life, I was once someone’s “daddy’s little girl” or someone’s "little princess." As a little girl, your father is supposed to be your knight in shining armor. The one that is supposed to protect you from everything possible: bugs, boo-boos, the monster under the bed. All I ever wanted was to make my dad proud. I was basically his shadow because I wanted to do what he did. He played basketball and I started playing. He played baseball and I followed within that. I did not want to be the girly girl, but I wanted to be my dad’s tomboy’s princess. When I six, it all changed and I grew up.
My parents separated and instead of him having to be there because he was my parent, he took the separation as him not being obligated to care about my sister and me. Growing up, he was never there for the father-daughter dances, my softball games, when I started to like boys or anything I believe would be beneficial for a young girl to have him for. I started thinking about what kind of man I should date because I did not have him around. I was thinking about who would walk me down the aisle when I became older and how my future children would never have a grandpa.
Then I realize that even though he was not around, he still taught me something. He taught me that I do not need to have a man in my life, but I could want one. He showed me what kind of man I should not want and what I deserve. He also showed me that "father" is a title for those who helped to create you, but "dad" is someone who is there 24/7 without hesitation. I did have dads in my life even if they are not biological because they cared and supported me. Even my mom played that role. Regardless of how many and who was not there, I learned that there was one Father that would always be there for me for good and bad times: I will always have my Heavenly Father above. I would also wonder will that pain ever go away or when will it stop hurting, but I also understand that every once in a while, I will have those days. I still know that God will fill that void, my pain will go away. Even though my biological father is not around, I will still appreciate the fathers that I do see and tell them that. Happy Father's Day. You all are appreciated.
