I'll never forget my 8th grade dinner dance. It was my very first formal event and an exciting time for all: finding the perfect dress, getting my hair done and dancing the night away with my best friends once more before high school. Of course, at every formal dance such as this one, they set aside a portion of the night for a “father-daughter” dance. As all my friends found their fathers and approached the dance floor, I awkwardly drifted towards the back of the room to stand with my mom and wait until the song was over. Not only did I feel sad about my dad not being alive to dance with, but I was also worried that people were staring at me thinking, “that’s the girl whose dad died”, and feeling sorry for me.

I was too young to realize it at the time, but six years later, I think back and understand how that very moment was so pivotal for me. I would never be “ok” with losing a parent, because who would? But it has helped me grow to be the strong, independent woman I am today. Here are some of the most important things I’ve learned along the way:

It's ok to be sad, even at the most random times.

It’s been almost eleven years since I lost my dad and it still hits me hard when I see old pictures of him. No amount of time gone by will fully heal the wounds, but that’s ok, and it’s something you learn to live with.

You'll be jealous of other girls and their fathers.

I’ll be honest, it’s going to feel like someone threw salt into your open wounds when you see your friends’ dads kiss them goodbye on special nights like senior prom. You never truly get used to this, but the most important thing is to not be bitter towards your friends or anyone else, which brings me to my next point.

It's natural to look for someone to blame.

You’re going to be angry, especially in the beginning. You’ll ask “why me?” over and over again, but the truth is, we don’t know why things happen and all we can do is try to accept it. The most important part about this is not to take it out on your family. Your siblings are feeling the same things you are, and your mom lost her true love. Remember that.

You'll wonder who will walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.

It sounds a little crazy because I’m only 20, but it’s a thought I have quite often. Lucky for me, I have six amazing uncles and a brother who I can rely on. You shouldn’t worry because you also have people to rely on whether it’s your mom, a sibling, or a friend.

Your mom will become your rock.

I know, it’s corny to say that my mom is my best friend, but it’s true. She’s the only parent I can to go to when I truly need help or advice, and that has only helped our relationship.

You'll be super defensive of your siblings.

You know the pain that your siblings have felt because you’ve felt it too. Prepare to feel the need to protect them in any and every threatening circumstance, especially when they start a new relationship with a significant other.

You'll have a new appreciation for life.

A bad grade on a test or cancelled plans you were looking forward to won’t seem so bad. You’ll feel lucky to be alive because you know, first hand, how something so precious can be taken from you so quickly.

You will have an angel watching over you at all times.

There’s nothing more reassuring than knowing you have someone looking over you. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve put myself into dangerous situations like texting while driving or crossing the street without looking. I could’ve been seriously hurt, but I sincerely believe that my dad is the reason I’ve stayed safe.

When I first lost my dad, I never thought I’d be the same, and I’m not. I can’t tell you what kind of person I would be if my dad were around to raise me. I could take a few guesses, but I’ll never know for sure. What I do know is that because I was faced with something so catastrophic at such a young age, I was forced to be strong. I can confidently say that I am a stronger person because of this. And you can too.