When I first got on the dating scene, I was worried that women wouldn’t give me the time of day because I was a bigger gentleman. Society had led me to believe that I was destined to a sad, lonely life. But here’s the thing: I was wrong. I learned these things the hard way so you won’t have to.

1. Being rejected is amazing

Let’s start off being blunt. There will be some people who will refuse to date men who are fat, and that’s okay. It’s not nice, but would you really want to spend your time on someone like that anyway? Maya Angelou once told Oprah, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” That’s very solid advice. It’s so helpful when people who are just plain wrong for you present themselves as such. There’s a difference between preference and prejudice; someone who typically doesn’t date larger men may not be as quick to reciprocate interest whereas someone who pictures anyone with a little extra as a fat slob will probably never change their mind. My friend, you don’t have to waste your time with the latter.

2. Dress, not drape

My dude, we can see you. In case you were wondering we all know you’re a bigger guy. Instead of trying to hide behind baggy bottoms or loose shirts, wear clothes that actually fit you. I’m not exactly a fashion expert, but even I know that if your wardrobe flatters your figure, you will naturally feel better in it. I know you’re dead set on wearing that “Star Wars” tee until the day you die, but life begins just outside of your comfort zone, so try to expand your closet a bit, please?

3. Learn to take care of yourself

By “take care of yourself” I don’t mean weight-wise. Some humans are naturally built bigger and are perfectly healthy despite not looking like a Greek Adonis. Learn to cook, and do it well. Thinner men who survive on a diet of Pringle's and Monster Energy drinks will never be as attractive as a man who can substitute as a 5-star chef if dinner reservations ever fall through. Grooming and hygiene will always be near the top of the list when it comes to dating deal breakers. It doesn’t matter how conventionally attractive you are if the stench from your B.O. is forcing your date’s eyes shut.

4. Fat strength is a thing

Do not let fat become synonymous with lazy or weak. I’m not encouraging massive weight loss, but a healthy exercise regimen filled with plenty of weight lifting and cardio can make all the difference when you’re on the dating scene. Sure, you won’t look like any Calvin Klein models or any of the powerlifters in magazines, but if you can show that your mass is good for more than just keeping warm during the winter, it’ll definitely help your chances.

5. Pick and choose which stereotypes to break

There are so many fat stereotypes I wouldn’t have the time to list them all even if I tried. And if you’re reading this list out of necessity, you are probably very familiar with them. But still, as I stated earlier, if you can prove that your gut is actually just covering all those core muscles, you’ll shatter society’s preconceived notions of you. Be the big dude who runs in 5k charities, take that person for a hike without stopping every five minutes to catch your breath, play a round of paintball with your boys and work up a good sweat. The number you see on the scale only tells us about your association with gravity, not the type of quality your life is destined for.

6. Own it

One thing I always noticed about myself, or rather, my body language, was that I always used to make myself seem smaller. I tried to take up less space so I wouldn’t inconvenience people, in some futile attempt to hide from the world. Practice good posture, and look people in the eye when you talk. Fat dudes have a reputation for being funny, and that’s all well and good as long as it’s not at your expense. When you joke about your own size in an attempt trying to beat other people to the punch, it just really shows everyone that you aren’t as comfortable as you seem to be. The best course of action is to not engage this at all, it’s not a secret that you're fat, in fact, you’re not looking for someone to date you in spite of your fatness, rather someone who just accepts it as part of you. Now, get out there and find someone who’ll rub that belly like the golden Buddha you are.