In high school, there were always rumors about who was sleeping with who and you checked Facebook the minute you got home to see who was in a relationship (or newly single) that day. In college, the rules change, A LOT. No one cares who you are or who you're with or what you do together. As a girl, I was single through most of high school. My longest encounter with romance was two months full of very stressful situations and immature conversations my Freshman year. I then spent the next three and a half years of high school being with whoever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted, but always treading lightly. I was scared of love. I came to college and met a boy who respects me and treats me well. Yesterday, after celebrating one year with him I recognized something; even if we don't end up married and super filthy rich like we joke about sometimes, I will never regret this year that I spent with him because it was a year I spent growing as an individual and learning to respect myself and protect myself as well as someone else. I felt empowered in high school because I was so good at concealing my emotions. Sure I went on dates, but I could fill an empty room with empty words and empty conversation for hours so long as he never mentioned who I was at the core.

See, guys don't understand what it's like to be a girl. No matter how sensitive or sweet he is, he won't ever be able to fully grasp your emotions or language. It's not like we don't want them to understand, trust me, if I could, I would give my boyfriend a manual on what it means when I make that face or tilt my head that way or when I say, "I'm tired" after a movie doesn't mean, "Take me home," but rather, "I want to cuddle with you for the next hour and talk about my feelings." However, sometimes that "I'm tired" directly translates to, "I'm tired. I want to go to sleep." There's no crystal clear cut way to understand girls; we don't even understand ourselves sometimes. When it comes to boys though, don't be ignorant. We've all watched the movie a million times and read the book twice that much. We all know how the girl just wants love but how do we know if the guy wants love or is faking love. Here are some pretty general guidelines I have discovered:

1. Real love is not found under the sheets.
A phone call at 2 p.m. is not the same as 2 a.m. I know it's a generally understood rule but you would be surprised the amount of girls that dwell over their phones waiting for those late night calls. They come, 2 a.m. calls, and they never lead to where you want them to go. Sure you might end up in the bedroom of the boy you want to be with and the words over the line might be exactly what you want to hear but the words exchanged over the pillow never measure up. Love is not making love. Love is smiling at the sound of their name or bragging about their latest academic accomplishments to all your friends even though you know none of them care. Love is getting chills from a kiss on the forehead in Walmart and whispering about how ugly the rug in your friends apartment is. It's not what happens in the bed but what exists outside of that fake world inside those four walls on a 60x80 inch cushion. It's tangible and reliable and durable and isn't passed up for the next size four blonde freshman that walks through his fraternity house.

2. Respect comes through actions, not through words.
Respect is something that is undervalued. It is your opinion taken into high regard. It is the two hour phone call that leads to advice about how to handle a situation. It is support and trust that the person can do the right thing and believing that there is something greater for them than you know. It is encouraging them to pursue their dreams, even if they want to move to Seattle, Washington and you never want to go there because you think it's probably very rainy and cold and are scared there will be no monogram shops. It's when you know you can call him when you are in a dilemma and need someone to think rationally. It's when you know he will leave the room where he and his friends are playing FIFA to talk to you because your problems are just as important to him as they are to you. It's taking his words to heart and knowing that they have value when it comes to weighing your options. It is trusting him with your indecisiveness and knowing that you play a part in his decisions too. It's making sure that you encourage him to make the very best decision for himself even if it means you won't see him for the whole week because you know he needs to prioritize that project to do well even though you really wanted to spend Wednesday at that pumpkin patch. That is partnership.

3. There is either a conflict, a dispute, or a fight.
If you said something mean about the way he likes chick flicks too much and he ignores you for three days, that's not right.  Conflict is a part of every relationship. Conflict is usually defined as a collision; to be contradictory or in opposition. That's healthy. If you got along all the time and held the same opinion on every single thing that is controversial, it would make for a very boring relationship. Conflict doesn't usually consist of fists or verbal slander, it's a difference of opinion and sometimes can lead to disagreement but that's what makes the world go round. Dispute is different. It's a debate or a contreversy; often an argument.  A dispute is healthy as well. With there being conflict, there will be disputes. I don't have the same opinion on certain heated political topics as my boyfriend and yes, we debate about them but it doesn't define us as a couple. Yes, I absolutely hate when he jokes about certain things that I don't believe to be humorous and I might be set off for the next 10 minutes, but that doesn't define us either. We aren't a marshmallow couple though. We have had our moments when we have had to deal with our differences and sometimes they drive us apart for a week. One of us might really hurt the other one with our actions or our worlds, but we don't let that one week ruin the next two months for us. There's nothing more disappointing than someone who holds onto past arguments or keeps tally or score of the other's wrong doings. This is where fights come in. 

Fights are defined as battle. That's it, battle. I don't like to think that I ever have to battle my boyfriend but I know girls who do. Every weekend is a question of if they will be together or not or how to get the other one back or how to absolutely torture the other one and make them suffer. If you are wondering if you and him will be together on Saturday night or if he will be trying to flirt with your best friend, your relationship is a fight; it's a battle. That is not love. Sure, you might end up in bed together at the end of the night, but when you wake up in the morning, the things he did or said to you the night before at the bar will be what you're discussing the next day at brunch with your girlfriends.

So just think ladies before you pick up your phone or reply to that late night text if you are being valued at your true worth.  You deserve nothing less than the best for all that you do or give. Don't allow yourself to be undervalued and under appreciated because there are guys out there who will love you like you should be loved.