All throughout high school I had my share of battles with myself that are all too common among young women. I was so unhappy with who I was and no image in my mirror could change that. This is something far too many young women struggle with. I watched struggles with mental health consume my friends, which was finally a wakeup call for me. I refused to let myself continue to live feeling unfulfilled and inadequate. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done; change is daunting and I was set in my ways to the point where it felt natural.
However, I knew I needed to do what was best for me. It took a lot of trial and error: therapy, quitting therapy, journaling, a little bit of yoga, drawing, and some very important conversations with myself and others. My introspection has been incredibly valuable. I have learned what makes me happy and how to make myself happy. In the moments you find yourself at your happiest, take a mental note of what exactly evoked that feeling and remember it when you need it most. I have been able to find happiness in colored pencils and written reflections of my days. But, the most important thing I did for myself was change the way I looked at others.
If I began to criticize someone in my head, I would consciously question my reasoning and if it had anything to do with someone’s outward appearance I would immediately correct myself. The more positive I was toward others in my own head, the kinder I would become to myself. More so, I began to see the beauty of other people’s minds. I fell in love with conversations and ideas. This lead to me finding a new appreciation for my own being. Of course there are still times when I wish I look better in jeans or wish I was funnier, but those moments are not the ones that define my day. The biggest change I made was how I loved others. I had always taken the comfort of my family and good friends for granted. I am incredibly grateful for the people who push me to be the best me and challenge me.
The ugliest part of this journey was confronting my flaws and working to change them. I am not a perfect human, far from it, and I am still trying every day to be the woman I want to be.
