The Downfall

One December night back in 2017, Gavin and Stanley showed up at the door of my apartment around 11 at night. This was not a shock, or a surprise for me. My family didn't tell them to leave or anything, they were my best friend's boyfriend and my other best friend hanging out with me. Stanley asked me if I had any snacks he could have, I said yes and proceeded to the kitchen to get him a bag of chips. Stanley followed me in to my very narrow kitchen and I, once again, did not think anything of it. When I turned around to hand him the chips he leaned into me and tried to kiss me. I immediately pushed him back and ended up telling them it was time to leave. I hugged Gavin goodbye and explained to him what happened, to which he gasped at, but did not think much of it otherwise. After they left, the first thing I did was text Maddie and tell her what happened, to which I got no response. The next morning, I had to be at school for a show choir choreography day and Maddie was there too. I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened, and she said no. I understood where she was coming from that must hurt to have to break up with your boyfriend unexpectedly like that. However, when show choir was over, I could see she was obviously mad at me. I asked her again if she wanted to talk to me, but she did not want to. Things were starting to become clear- she didn't believe me.

I called Gavin in an attempt to get him to tell Maddie that what I was saying DID happen, but Gavin's kind hearted self did not want Maddie to be upset with him too. I responded back with something along the lines of "if you don't back me up I can't be in this friendship with either of you anymore." Gavin's view did not change.

Maddie and I were always boastful in the fact we had never gotten into a big fight with each other in our 3 year friendship. I quickly realized that streak was over, and something detrimental was going to follow today. I called Maddie when she was home from her cookie decorating party, and we quickly both became worked up and didn't know what to do. I asked her what she wanted from me, and she gave her thoughts on the situation and why things I had done in the past lead to her thinking what she thought about Stanley and me. I understood what she meant, but it didn't change the fact that Stanley tried to kiss me. Both of our moms ended up sitting in on the call in an attempt to calm the two of us down, which didn't work. In the end, it became clear as much as it hurt me, I was not going to be associated with my best friend anymore. It would hurt me too much. So we did the thing no one ever thought would happen to us: we stopped being best friends over a boy.

The Adjustment

Have you ever dreaded something so much, waking up to do it physically pained you? That was me, every single day of school after I didn't have Maddie and Gavin in my life. Lucky me, our episode happened right before Christmas break, so I had 2 weeks to adjust my habits without having to see them. Once second semester started, I had to go to choir with them everyday, and see them and all our other friends together while I was trying to talk to anyone I could so I wasn't alone (thanks for working at my high school, mom, I don't think I could've gotten through that first month back without you). I got used to seeing them at school everyday, and during our rehearsals for show choir and the spring musical. However, if you are unaware how the show choir competition world works, every Saturday of the months of January to March is taken over and devoted to going to a school and competing. I had no bus buddy, no walking partner, no one to eat with me, Maddie was all of those things for me. I was fine with just floating around with other people from our team though, I was fine. I grew used to not being extremely close with people at my school, because rumors were flying about the truth with the three of us. I made the hard decision to quit show choir after junior year because I was miserable without my best friends in it with me. I made myself power through because I am a strong person who is more than her past.

My WONDERFUL mother told me she was going to be choreographing for a local summer theater group, and told me to audition so I wasn't in my bed all summer. Once again, my mom is the best, because I ended up with people I could finally call my best friends again. I met my three best friends in the summer of 2018, and I still have them in my life today, one of them even gets called my "boyfriend" when he's lucky (kidding Aaron, you're always my boyfriend and best friend, love you hehe).

The Forgiving

My senior year I kept the contact with Gavin minimal, but had little to none with Maddie. I had moved on from thinking about it every second of the day, and barely looked in the vicinity of them. During dance team season and the shows at school we all remained civil, but never hung out.

Fast forward to about a month before I left for college. I did not want to leave my hometown with bad blood with anyone, so I texted Maddie and Gavin and was honest with them. In less detail, I said I hurt for a very long time because of what happened with them, but I forgive them for it all. We are three 18-year-olds, and are too young to add more hatred in this world. At last, we were done fighting.

I made it a priority to see both of them on my fall break this past weekend, Maddie hung out at my house and we talked for hours, and concluded the night by getting ice cream with our boyfriends. Gavin and I went to lunch and our favorite place, Starbucks (and also got attacked by a bee).

If you told me my junior year of high school I would come home from college to spend time with the two people I thought I lost forever, I would've laughed in your face and called you crazy. However, I have been through too many hardships thus far in my life to have hatred in my heart forever. Even if you haven't had many hardships in your life, moving on and forgiving is a pivotal step in growing up and learning.