Failure. A lack of success. Not succeeding in something you set out to do. Failure is one of the scariest things to go through in life. No one wants it, yet somehow, at one point in our lives, we all encounter it. We don't expect to fail, it just sneaks up on you out of nowhere and then BAM!
For me, my failure came at a young age... well my first encounter with failure.
And you might say, "You're only 19... how can you have already failed yourself?" But honestly, I failed myself on such a major level and no one can tell me otherwise. I set out to achieve greatness, to prove everyone wrong and more importantly to prove myself right. But tragically, I proved everyone right.
After my freshman year in college, I was so defeated. I went to accomplish my goals and I did not even come close to achieving them. Yes, I made so many friends and was so different than how I acted in high school. I became this social butterfly, which was totally different than the shy girl I was just six months earlier.
But no matter how many friends I made, my academic goals were not met.
The feeling of failing yourself cannot be compared to any other felling one might encounter within their lifetime. And it is that feeling that made me vow to never feel that shame ever again. I vowed to myself that I was going to change my 2018 year around one way or another.
With that being said, I started by organizing my life. I got a wall dry erase calendar and different color dry erase markers to organize every aspect of my life. On top of that calendar, I purchased a planner to write out in pencil what I had to do every day. I realized that being disorganized it the start of my problems. I would overwork myself by not scheduling me time or time for me to properly do homework which made me such a spaz.
Then I decided it was time to do something for myself. I set out to apply to become a writer for Odyssey. When my president contacted me saying that I was accepted into the community, I truly felt like this was going to help. I started writing pieces I was so proud about such as my article about my old best friend, my article about my dad that got over 5,000 views or the article about my town hero.
Me writing articles gave me an artistic outlet to put my thoughts on paper.
I decided it was time for me to go back to coaching cheer and choreographing for my mom and the other teams in our organization. With my sister being on a team, my sister-in-law and mom coaching, I thoroughly enjoyed spending more time than I normally would on the weekends. I found my passion again for cheerleading through my little girls who definitely gave me a run for my money. I was able to be creative and my creativity shined through my two teams at our showcase.
I lastly decided it was time to block out everyone's opinions and just worry on my own. Everyone has their own opinion and they are entitled to it. But it's when the opinions are non stop flowing into my life that makes me panic. I enjoy hearing from others, when it's appropriate or when I ask for the advice. But when its non-stop about how I'm living my life the wrong way, it makes my head do 360s.
This past year I learned that life is about living for yourself and proving yourself right. Although it took me failing myself... I'm glad I learned this important life lesson that everyone should learn once in their lifetime.