So I have been on antidepressants for over a year and it’s been a real love/hate relationship. I want to start off by saying this is only my personal experience with being medicated, everybody’s experience with medications is different and is why there are so many. The first antidepressant I was on was Zoloft, which is a blanket medication. Without being too boring Zoloft is an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) used to treat depression, (OCD), (PTSD), premenstrual dysphoric disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder. It also has a pretty extensive list of side effects, which can be worse for children and young adults. For me it heightened my anxiety, I had a lot of trouble concentrating, I was more paranoid. Basically it was not a good time for me or anyone around me. I eventually ended up in a psych ward which was even less fun (You can read about it at https://www.theodysseyonline.com/night-mental-hospital). When I got to that point the suicidal thoughts were the worst at that time than ever before and I stopped cold turkey. Granted I only was on them for 3 months but even the withdrawals were pretty horrible. I was a complete zombie, I wasn’t able to concentrate at all, my head was constantly fuzzy for about 2 weeks, which as someone in college it is a pretty horrible thing to experience.
After that I stayed away from medications, the person who was prescribing them to me would no longer see me and I eventually found another place to take me. It still took me a while to want to try being medicated again. Now I am on Wellbutrin XL which is an aminoketone rather than a SSRI. My side effects on it have included restlessness and bouts of extreme energy. Now it can also negatively impact those with anorexia and bulimia making it worse and it is possible that it has made my own body dysmorphia worse, but I had that before the medication and is another side effect that I can deal with, especially since now the restlessness is no longer a side effect I experience. It is also at the point where I’m slightly afraid of being taken off of it because the suicidal thoughts are minimal these days. I didn’t take them for about 2 weeks one time and was reminded of what I’m like without it, and it isn’t pleasant. I’m even considering to ask my physician to up my dose because I think I’ve built up a tolerance to it. Not every type of anti-depressant is right for everyone and chances are you’ll have to try a few different kinds until you find the right one. It also isn't an absolute cure all, I still go to therapy and I still do have the suicidal thoughts even if now I have the emotional energy to disregard them.
