How do you see yourself?...
What is a reflection? An image displayed on a piece of glass, the fragment of light you can see looking down in a puddle, a memory, a serious thought? The list could go on and on, but what does the word "reflection" mean to you? I know I've stared at myself in the mirror and judged myself by my own appearance. I know I've admired the image I've seen while looking down at a puddle. There's also no doubt that I've thought about a scenario that happened back when I was younger that embarrassed me, but probably no one else remembers it. The point is, reflections have more than one meaning. It could be physical, mental, or both. When you look in a mirror you see yourself, but do you acknowledge the light that is bouncing off the surface and into your eyes to create that image? When you lay awake at night thinking about that time you dropped your books in the hallway, making your papers scatter across the floor leaving your personal journal exposed. Does anyone remember that? It's been awhile since that happened, so why are you even thinking about it?
At one point or another we've judged ourselves. Whether it was a physical or mental thing, we've judged ourselves. Physically I, myself, have not ever been that big. I was always thin and short. A lot of the people around me are taller, bigger, with more muscle mass. I've looked in the mirror and said to myself "Why can't you just grow one more inch?", or "Why can't your arms have a little more muscle?" It wasn't until just recently that I've accepted my body for what it was. I didn't realized before that being littler than everyone else has pretty good advantages! You can get front row seats to everything because people feel bad blocking you out. You're first in line, if it's organized shortest to tallest. People think you're adorable just because you're little! I could go on and on. It's great that everyone is different, but it's even better if someone embraces their differences!
The other day I was watching one of my nieces and one of my nephews. They're brother and sister, but there is a slight age gap between them. My nephew is 8 years old and my niece is 2 years old, but somehow they argue like there isn't an age gap at all. My nephew changed the TV channel that my niece was watching and held the remote over her head. My niece is a lot shorter than her brother, but she's pretty smart. As soon as my nephew sat down with the remote, my niece snuck behind the couch with a stepping stool, and she climbed the back of the couch. She rolled down the couch, swiped the remote, and ran into another room to hide it from her brother. My nephew sat there dumbfounded that his 2-year-old sister outsmarted him. She didn't need to be tall to take the remote back.
I'm pretty sure I speak for the majority of people when I say that I've sat in bed thinking about something that bugged me that happened probably more than 3 years prior. Just the sense of laying there with the memory echoing over and over and over, laying there and pointing out every mistake that was made. I will admit that I do that, but everyone is hard on themselves. Right?
My first year of high school I was the only freshman on the varsity football cheerleading squad. Since I was new I was the only one that needed to be taught what to do during a pep rally. The Fall Sports Assembly was coming up, and I was especially excited. The cheerleaders are responsible for making a dance to present at the assembly to pump up the crowd. I wasn't worried about the dancing part, but I was worried about battle cries. During assemblies the students get separated by grade where they sit, so obviously I had to run into the freshman crowd whenever the cheerleaders would do battle cries. Battle cries are a way to interact with the crowd, and get the school hyped up. The cheerleaders would run up to each grade and yell "BISON, BISON DON'T BE SHY STAND AND GIVE YOUR BATTLE CRY!" then usually the students would answer back "V-I-C-T-O-R-Y THAT'S OUR BISON BATTLE CRY!" At least that's what is supposed to be said. Before the assembly started I told everyone how to do the battle cries, so that way we wouldn't get booed as bad (the freshman always get booed). Then, the assembly started. The whole school piled into the gym, and I was very intimidated by everyone else. All the fall sports teams were recognized, and then the cheerleaders and I did the dance. It went great! I was so happy I could cry. When the captain announced that we were going to do battle cries I ran next to my friends, who, I might add, said they would do the battle cry with me. The cheer squad shouted "FRESHMEN, FRESHMEN DON'T BE SHY STAND AND GIVE YOUR BATTLE CRY!" The only thing you could hear in the silent gym was my little voice "V-I-T-C-O-R-Y THAT'S OUR BISON BATTLE CRY!" MY FRIENDS FLAKED ON ME! We even practiced before the assembly! I walked down out of the bleachers and then one of my teammates looks at me and says "You spelled victory wrong." I was completely mortified. In front of the whole school I spelled victory wrong.
The next day I walked in the front of the class and ranted at them. They told me they felt bad, but by the end of my rant I had an epiphany. "It's okay at least people know me now at least," I said calmly then took my seat for biology. Although, all the battle cries, for the rest of my life, I always remember my mistake and my frustration.
Reflections are more than just what the dictionary says. Yes, the word "reflection" had definitions, but it has more than one meaning. It has more than one definition. People can reflect too harshly on themselves. In life you are your greatest critic. How do you see your reflection?
