"What do I do to escape this toxicity?" My discomforted friend once asked me with a frown.

I stood there glaring at the expressions of defeat on her face while simultaneously scanning through a backlog of experiences and lessons in my mind in the hope of pouring out to her at least a splinter of solace. Here’s the reflection that helped her.

Often, we come across sadists. They disregard our stance, diminish our confidence and debilitate us with disparaging words which consequently push us into a spiral of self-deprecation. They are the toxic ones but it doesn’t have to end this way.

Now what we fail to comprehend before we let ourselves whirl around in their toxicity are the two crucial but ignored reminders. The first being our power over what we choose to feel which basically stems from our self-view. This is where positive self-talk or self-assertion come into the picture. It’s easier to lose a view of self when bombarded with viciousness at the workplace, home, school or by a flaming neighbor with temper issues. That’s why the unfailing practice of self-assertion should be incorporated into our busy schedules— every morning before stepping out to face the world and every night before retiring to bed. This is how we can incontrovertibly hold on the power to not let the toxicity get the best of us.

The second and the striking one being the helplessness and misery of those who are harming us. The fact that they are functioning against the rudimentary nature of human spirit or laws of humanity—love, compassion, benevolence and peace— is enough to let us know that they are deeply tormented. That they have forgotten the practice of positive self-assertion and have lost power over themselves. This has hollowed them and led them to resort to megalomania. The worst part is that now they are feeding off of your power and the unimaginably worst part is that you are helping them do so.

If someone has a misguided perception of you and thinks ill of you, all you need to do is stick to your power and keep marching ahead. I can assure you that all it takes is practice. As Scott Peltin, Founder and Chief Officer of Tignum, on our unique ability to develop and evolve EQ says "Resilience is the product of stressful situations + emotional control + adequate recovery." Don’t stop to quantify and amplify the sticks and stones thrown at you, you’ll lose your power and fall behind in life despite your ability to become great. Your positivity and self-control might even inspire your bully to change themselves.

Remind yourself of your power every day and remember:

his toxicity was a snake

clasping his long neck

with every spit of the venom

the chokehold grew stronger.

-his toxicity