We get too caught up in finding this person, this one soul that is supposed to lift us up and make us feel oh so amazing. I believe others can add to our happiness and help bring out our inner beauty but I do not think life should be centered on finding this person nor do I think it is a good thing to let someone have the power to bring only this happiness. Or this wish thinking life will be better once I find this person. I say this because your happiness first must be rooted within you and then complimented by someone else.
I have been evaluating my life these past few weeks questioning my "status" and wondering if my single life will ever change or why I even care. And I have stepped back and reminded myself of why I am a strong believer in finding happiness on your own and loving who you are, because that is not always easy.
I have been single for quite some time now. I did the whole long-term relationship that became long distance and so on, but for the past three years, I have remained single. I have been on at most three dates with three different guys, all which did not lead to another.
Why? Lol, well for a while I was not ready and I did not want anything at all but even when I was “ready” nothing came of it. Yet now for some reason, I questioned randomly the other day, "Is there something wrong with me?" It does not help that my two best friends have recently fell in love with nice guys and that they are head over heels for them but it made me question, well, me.
So these two friends of mine are in different states and with this adult life, I do not have vacation time to see them. With that said, any moment with them is so precious and the last time I saw both of them I was third-wheeling. Now do not get me wrong I am a pro and love being that wheeler but it made me wonder when/how I would find this awesome connection that they have found if I ever would. Or if I would end up as some old lady with seven cats (And that is a nightmare because I do not like cats)...
And in all it is not like I want a relationship because I am content in my single lifestyle that I have matured so much in, but the other day I was unexpectedly reminded of how "alone" I am in Washington (I am without family and only know coworkers here) where everything is foreign to me and then seeing my friends so at ease with their new guy it definitely struck a cord differently.
With all these recent (and ridiculous) thoughts of mine, I have had to remind myself of why I have been so happy in the water I have been swimming in so independently and why it is a gift to be single in my young adult phase of life. And so I would like to share why being single right now is a beautiful thing that you should not want to give up just yet:
1. We are young.
We may feel like we are not because maybe we are at the start of adulting and feel lost and alone in the water. BUT just think about it. Think about how far it is until the next stage is here, the "adult" title... That is a LONG time away. Enjoy the moments of being young, of this new part of life ... The fun flirtatious blowing with the wind vibes. Do not let your young adult life be focused on finding this stability, serious, steady and bounded path. You will look back when you are older and think why did I give my energy to dating and focus on finding someone or being with someone when I could have put that energy and power to myself? To make myself stronger and better? To fulfill my aspirations to get closer to those dreams? Instead of let it slip by with this idea that I need to grow up and be in a relationship?
It is a beautiful thing. I have learned so much from my life from this single lifestyle. I have grown into who I am today, and I am proud of that. You are able to grow wise by being an outsider to your friend's relationships; seeing how they connect, listening to their problems they face and soon you become wiser. You understand what it is you want in a relationship. You are able to no longer settle for dumb dates or pointless one-night stands. You are able to then be wise enough to no longer wait or want something but wise in a sense that you will know when someone connects with you on a higher level.
Freedom to try out one night stands, to go on dates that are fun and others that are not so ideal, to get heart broken by an ass hole, to spend weekends hibernating in your bed watching Netflix eating ice cream without needing to have a touch of communication to the outside (I swear that is a scenario, not a personal one...), to do you. This freedom allows the opportunity to learn from the mistakes you make because you are on your own and you have no choice but to accept them and embrace them. Freedom to chose how you want to live your life without anything stopping you.
Sounds odd, but we become powerful. Not in a controlling manner or exterior way. But in fact you find power within your body. Your body has been built by courage and strength to love the life you live on your own and that power ignites within you to take on opportunities or chances with confidence in yourself and strength to take on the unknown only needing yourself. That is power.
Adulting does not mean finding that one. Adulting means growing into you. Finding you. Not someone or something. Simply you.
We are still young and although we have those friends who are "in love" or busy with a new date every week, we need to take advantage of this free time to be with ourselves. Take advantage of this freedom to love life and all that it brings. Sooner or later when we connect with someone on a higher level, it will be that much better. Because at that point you will have spent your young adult life discovering you, finding purpose within you, learning your flaws and complimenting your strengths and most importantly growing into this wise and independent being.
And that to me is one of the most attractive traits in a guy. I tell my friends this all the time, I will not date guys who always have a girlfriend or someone who never took the time to figure out themselves. Because if they have spent their time ignoring themselves and putting their energies elsewhere, they will struggle to find happiness inside themselves and without that happiness, they will lose the power to feel that higher connection with someone else. When we take the time to be alone and embrace it, we will have the power to know when something special can be created.
But for right now the focus in this young adult phase of life should be you. We are only young once.