Talking about relationships is my favorite thing to do.
I love talking about love.
I love relationships, being in them, giving advice about them and sharing my experiences. If you know me, I am emotional and sensitive.
I'm a sucker for romantic, cliché things. I cry watching every rom-com there is.
So for those who know a lot about me, most agree that it is quite strange that in the few real relationships I have had, I am the one always ending the relationship.
When I was younger, during my first couple of relationships, I was always the one getting dumped. But since I have been getting older and navigating my adult life, I have always been the one to end relationships and flings.
Breaking up is hard to do.
Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, we can all agree on this.
Breaking up sucks.
However, I do not think there is enough discussion around being the dumper. I do not think people realize, unless they have ended things with a significant other, how painful it can be.
This does not discredit the person being broken up with. From stories I have heard and my few childish encounters with it, I realize it is typically the harder one of the two battles at hand.
From what I have seen, the dumpee is always left feeling unwanted, not good enough or with trust issues. They question what they could have done, what they should have done and what they would have done just to keep that person around.
Those feelings are undeniably painful.
But who really talks about being the dumper? Does everyone just forget about them and think that they are this God-awful person who ruined a relationship?
Do we just toss them to the side since it's "what they wanted"?
I think we push aside people who end relationships and deem them as unworthy of someone else's love.
As someone who has ended relationships and friendships this year, it is safe for me to say that regardless of who you are in this situation, it is going to hurt.
While the dumpee is left with feelings of unworthiness, the dumper is oftentimes left feeling guilty.
For a long time after each breakup, I have experienced in the past year, I felt guilty.
It feels as though I am a villain in everyone's story. It feels like everyone is talking behind your back.
It feels like you're being selfish, like you're making a huge mistake.
I am here to reassure people that, even if you are the one to end a relationship, it is OK to feel sad. It is OK to feel guilty.
You have every right to have your feelings be validated, too.
Yes, you may have hurt someone else, but that does not mean you are not hurting.
Yes, you may have broken up with someone else, but that does not mean you didn't lose someone special either.
Every relationship is different, but we all have reasons for the things we do.
As unfair as it sounds, there is no real answer as to why things don't work out.
You can blame it on timing, different personalities, different values or goals. You can blame it on trust issues, commitment issues, insecurity or flirting. At the end of the day, it all depends on the situation.
No matter what, I strongly believe things happen for a reason.
Simply, people just need to do what they feel is right.
And what is right is people validating the feelings of not only the dumpees, but also the dumpers.
