There are two types of people. One that holds their emotions in and one that fully embraces each feeling down to the core. I am both of those types.

I am quite good at holding in certain emotions. When I feel frustrated and want to scream, I can still hold a poker face while yelling and breaking things inside me. It's just anguished screams howling out as I continue my day to day chores. It's horrible, but what else can I do huh? Breakdown right there and then and ruin whatever it was I was doing. Fake it till you make it. Suck it up and carry on Princess.

Then there are the times you can't hold it in anymore and it bleeds through, usually transforming into tears and anger. It is a out of body experience, breaking down so hard that you are watching yourself breakdown. Your mind is cracking, but yet lets you know that it is cracking. There is no blind spot where you don't know what's happening. You know exactly what is happening and you experience all your senses at once. Eyes red, Ears hurting from your crying, Tongue numb, Touch is painful because nothing is comforting and smell, well what does pure soul torment smell like?

It's easier to shove emotion down inside you, twisting it around your guts, trying to suffocate it at your best. I usually just take a deep breath and swallow. I swallow that emotion away and carry on. It's harder to feel it. It's tougher to know that it is best for you to feel it, so that you understand it better. It's being the better half of yourself so that you can learn from it and know that it hurt that bad because it mattered. You know yourself better from it and you learn how to take care of yourself. Your soul doesn't just break for anyone or anything, so when it does. Feel it. Listen to it. Accept it. Learn from it. Carry On.

The only downfall is the anxiety and depression from the embracement. Everyone mourns through something in life, perhaps more than once, but it's how you rise from it, unless you fall. You fall to the pain and it turns into quicksand. You see no way out and soon you don't want a way out and you accept that. The torture has gone numb and soon the depression slinks its way down to the nerve, tightening its hold on your cells in a sickening hug.

I haven't let myself get that far, and I hope I don't. Depression for two weeks at its slightest felt like trench warfare. I know I'll be truly close one day, everyone has that moment. I just have to be stronger than my darker pull to the cliff of nothingness.