My stomach hurts; and I've tossed and turned every night.
Wednesday morning, I woke up to a new reality. Of course I’m referring to the election of Donald Trump as America’s 45th president. On Tuesday night, I watched the election for two hours with about 30 to 35 other students on campus. We ordered pizza, snacks and drinks. The room was filled with minorities, (which is what we wanted), of every category and the air was heavy with anxiety. The group was so diverse, the main, if not only, thing we had in common was the person we weren’t voting for: Trump. The two hours I was there was one of the most comfortable experiences I’ve had among acquaintances and strangers at Ursinus. Yet, I left around 10:30 PM because accepting Trump’s presidency was not something I could handle in public. I woke up the next morning scrolling on Facebook and realizing Trump won. I was numb, but I accepted it. I kept scrolling through Facebook wondering if the sources I was reading were wrong. I unbraided my hair and to my surprise and pleasure my hair was in a fro the way I liked. I looked outside and realized it was raining. For those who may not get it: there’s no way I can wear my hair in a fro in the rain. I texted my mom: “so my braid-out came out perfectly and it’s raining. America elected a racist and sexist man to be our president. It’s gonna be a good day? lol.” I walked to my first class, somehow knowing how the students would react. When we all gathered and the teacher took attendance he asked his usual “does anyone have any announcements or events they would like to share?” Several people said simultaneously “Trump!” lightheartedly. Don’t get me wrong; the majority of the class was against Trump, but they still did not understand the gravity of the situation which is why they were able to talk about it so lightheartedly. Only one girl cried in class, understanding that the Latino children she worked with may face the heartbreaking reality that because America elected a hateful president, their families may be split a part. By the end of the class I was no longer numb; I was hurt and angry. My stomach became sick. I went to the library where I attempted to get work done. I sat staring at my laptop, doing aimless tasks like making flyers and checking emails. I just couldn’t focus on homework.
To speed up the rest of the week, my stomach continued to hurt off and on the next several days depending on how intense the conversations regarding Trump’s election were. I continued to stay relatively silent about my pain on social media, only sharing my surprisingly vocal brother’s eloquent posts about how he felt about the election and using his words to somehow wrap up my feelings. I was upset with the general reaction with the school. The students seemed to have moved on, getting back to their busy UC lives and the administration just seemed quiet and thoughtful. I found myself walking up to every minority I knew asking how they were doing and vice versa. I found comfort in my white liberal female and male friends as well. We took care of each other those few days, because no one else would. It’s all about being politically correct right?
Wrong. Trump supporters began revealing themselves and whining about how they have an unpopular vote (wrong, our county voted for Trump so you’re not alone…). When liberals on campus called them out for voting for Trump they felt disrespected and attacked. Their claim consistently was just because they voted for Trump does not mean they are racist, sexist, homophobic, etcetera. Here is the reason why that is problematic. If you voted for Trump, it means you are so privileged (or disillusioned) that you can ignore the hatred he built his campaign off of. It means you have no fear your family will be torn apart or you’ll be verbally or physically abused simply because of the color of your skin. Some of you may have voted for Trump because of whatever policies he claims he’ll enact. Well the hatred he promoted is non-negotiable. Period. Before Trump, I already thanked God each morning that I did not hear of a family murder (race-driven) overnight. The country is racist enough without Trump. Now, I’m thankful every time we leave a gas station safely or purchase groceries without being targeted. The fear is no longer at police for me, it’s every unfamiliar white person I see. Not all Trump supporters are hateful, but I never know which ones are. The fear has intensified and yet, Trump supporters have turned it so they are the victims. Notice how I don’t refer to Trump supporters as Republicans because many of us can agree, no matter what party we support, that this election was not about political parties. It was about popularity and hatred.
In so many words, if you chose to vote for Trump, you simultaneously chose to possibly disrupt thousands of people’s lives.
