This Election Will Be The Death Of Us
Start writing a post
Entertainment

This Election Will Be The Death Of Us

The apocalypse is totally happening this time guys I swear!!

10
This Election Will Be The Death Of Us
USA Politics Now

"THE END IS NIGHT!! THE END IS NIGH!!" This seems to be what everyone is saying nowadays whenever politics gets brought up. Whether you support Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, a third party candidate, or you're just waiting for the sweet release of election day it seems that everyone can agree that the apocalypse is coming and this presidential election has been the bringer of the end days.

Now though I may be a simple 18 year old and this may be my first time voting in the rodeo that is American Politics, i know when something is up. And this year something is way way up.

"But Jacob Sir," you may say -- and while i do appreciate the manners, sir is not necessary, a simple "Oh Captain, My Captain" will do -- "I don't smell any sulfur or see any headless horseman. How can you be sure that this is the apocalypse? We've survived dozens of so called apocalypses (Y2K, The Mayan apocalypse, and even the temporary discontinuation of Twinkies). There's nothing we can't get through!"

Wow, reader I am impressed by your modern day apocalyptic knowledge, you must be well versed. But while you are a mere novice in the apocalyptic arts, I am a master and i have seen the SIGNS.

Simple things you may have seen as just idiosyncrasies, I have seen the SIGNS in. Now give me a minute to finish this sacrificial ritual dedicated to the almighty Pooh Bear and I'll show you these SIGNS so that you too may prepare.

*Now if you will, imagine what in the blue blazes a sacrificial ritual dedicated to Pooh Bear will look like because I have no idea but wouldn't that be something to see!*

Okay now that i am finished here are a few signs to look out for the next time you see one of the *Cough* Horseman *Cough*, WHAT who said horseman?? I meant candidates, i swear....CARRYING ON!!

Firstly it is stated in several early drafts of the goofy movie script that i found in an ancient cave in Babylon that "He who shall inherit thy title of Antichrist shall warn thine public thusly by sniffing 666 times in front of thy entire world."

And i know this sounds crazy, i swear I'm not crazy, but if you look closely at all of the presidential debates so far you can see that Donald Trump has sniffed exactly 666 times. Now there's no need to look and count them all, you can just trust me. The other SIGN though states right after the part where Bigfoot shows up on Goofy and Max's camping trip that "She who wears only thine glorious armor known as the pant suit shall be the one to open the gates of Hades and let forth the Antichrist known as he who sniffs!"

THAT'S NO COINCIDENCE PEOPLE!! The end is nigh! Now build your arks, gather your animals, sacrifice your goats, and prepare!!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

14959
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

944946
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

122015
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments