It has taken me about a week to finally decide to write this article, and now that I've started, there's no turning back. This idea has been extremely persistent, and I knew that it wouldn't go away until I started writing about it. So here I am, sitting at my desk late on a Saturday night with some hot tea, preparing myself to write about every girl's favorite topic - singleness.
If you're anything like me, then you've read countless articles about singleness and know all of the basics backwards and forwards: learn to be content, run towards God and pay attention if a guy can keep up, become the person you want to marry, focus on personal growth, enjoy all of the wonderful aspects of being single - the list goes on.
So I'm sure you're thinking, "Haven't all of the ideas about singleness been exhausted by this point?" That was my thought too, which is the main reason why I was so skeptical to start writing this in the first place. But something I've realized in the past week is that I can read all of the articles about singleness I want, and think about all of the great advice, but if all I do is think about it, does it really matter? It's great to say that you read an article or watched a video/sermon about singleness, but if all you do is close out of it when you're done and move on with your life, does anything really change? I've been realizing that simply reading an article alone doesn't change my want for something that I currently don't have. Until the information is internalized at a heart level, my outlook on where God has me at this moment in time isn't going to change - I am still going to feel despair and be discontented about where I am in life.
Last week I had a dream about a relationship, in which I was captivated by a guy that I had just met. I even still remember that his name was Wayne. I was quickly charmed by him and his actions, and before I knew it, we were dating. But soon after, I noticed that as he turned out to not at all be the person that I thought he was, his physical appearance also started to change. His outward appearance more and more reflected his inward character as time went on, until he eventually was a creature that I didn't even recognize.
The first part of Proverbs 31:10, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting," was playing out right before my eyes. I soon found myself wanting the relationship to end, dreaming of singleness. There're several different thoughts that you can unpack from this dream, the most obvious one being that while physical appearance is nice, analyzing someone's character far outweighs appearance when it comes to determining if you want to pursue a relationship with someone. However, what stuck out most to me when I woke up the next morning, was that I again found myself desiring something that I didn't have, but instead of wanting a relationship, I wanted singleness. Let me repeat that again. I wanted singleness. What every person seems to be absolutely terrified of and wants to avoid if at all possible, I desired. How crazy is that? I had finally gotten what I wanted and I quickly found myself wanting to go back to the way my life was before.
Within the past week, I've slowly begun to internalize at a heart level the fact that where I am in this exact moment is a great place to be. For a reason that is unknown to me, the place where I am at right now includes singleness. Instead of just saying that I trust God and continuing to stress and worry, I am finally learning to fully trust that He knows what He is doing. Because who can by worrying add a single day to their life? I might as well enjoy this great adventure of life one day at a time. And maybe, one day, my adventure will intersect with a guy who I want to continue on this adventure with for the rest of my life. But until that day comes, I will press on, refuse to fixate on what I do not have, and thank God for each moment as it comes.
