Let's get this right out there: I do not want kids. No, this is not a "phase," I have thought this since I was ten. Believe me, I have my reasons for not wanting a screaming, flailing, all too delicate "bundle of joy," but here's the thing: I shouldn't have to give you a reason.

I get it, it's an automatic reaction to hearing someone say "I don't want kids" or "I'm not having kids." It's jarring at first, it's something we hear all that often. We the childless by choice are pretty much alienated by society, living in a world that forces upon us the idea that all women should want to give birth, in a world where a woman gets her worth from her maternal status. We have been socialized to believe that all women should be mothers, it's something we're taught practically from birth. Think about it, little girls are given baby dolls to care for and faux kitchen sets to practice with while little boys are given play tools and helmets and other career-oriented toys. We are taught our place in the world before we can even make sense of it. Even me, who decided my childless path at a young age and am in fact incredibly creeped out by all baby dolls (and actual babies to be honest), had my fake strollers and the like as a child. This is why when I tell someone for the first time that I do not want or ever plan on having kids, they first give an appalled look, then immediately ask "why?" as though I've just said I'm moving to Antarctica. We have decided as a society that the greatest achievement a woman can reach is a mother, and that is what all women should aspire to be.

I have a million reasons why I don't want kids: the ridiculous global overpopulation problem putting a strain on all of our resources, the conflicting societal judgments and expectations of mothers, the pain of childbirth and the effects on your mental and physical state, the screwed up birth industry, the fact that I enjoy traveling and having free time, not wanting to risk my body or my career, and many many more. But the truth is, I shouldn't need to give anyone a reason, regardless of how true they are.

I should not have to explain my choice of not having children because having children is a choice, not an obligation. There is no contract that every biological female signs at birth declaring that we will one day reproduce, yet society still acts like there is. A person, man or woman, can live a truly full and happy life without kids. I am appalled by the fact that our society makes people feel more comfortable "mommy jacking" conversations (google it) or admitting that they had children because they thought they would be bored otherwise than they are going against the norm and being okay with being childless. I am still young, the responses I get are typically that of brushing my choice off as a phase. For women like me in our twenties we get: "Of course you'll change your mind, just wait til your biological clock starts ticking!" Please stop. Women in their thirties and later have it worse, the infuriating intrusions like "Why haven't you had kids yet?" or the assumptions that they "couldn't find a man" rather than perhaps that they simply chose to focus on their career instead, or simply want to spend their time and money on nice vacations, a better apartment, or other such "selfish" things rather than on a child they potentially didn't want. Is that so hard to believe? It's officially 2017, it's time to stop shaming those of us who are childless by choice.

If you want to have a child, are in a place in your life where it is right for you, and know the implications, go ahead. It's a choice, and one I simply chose no to. Have kids because that's what you want, or don't have kids because that's what you want, but do not let outdated societal expectations for women decide this for you.