Gosh, if only I would never have to hear those dreaded words again. It's the typical case of it's not you, it's me. I'm drowning in my own self-doubt over here, but no big deal. Please get over yourself, and stop convincing yourself that every day I make it my mission to be complicated for the world. That is not my delivery method and quite frankly people like you should quit trying to label me. I hate when people make me squirm because I'm simply not enough when you need me the most.

I don't trust easily, therefore, I feel like I have to go into depth to receive security. It's not that I am intentionally trying to dig for more, but I am looking for the confirmation I need in order to trust you. I am looking to be free from myself. It's not that I don't find you trustworthy, it's just my natural instinct to always want to protect myself because in the past, everyone who said that they wouldn't hurt me, hurt me. Seriously, no need to pity me because I know what I am capable of. I don't desire anyone to feel sorry for me, but instead, you can learn to walk alongside me and try to better understand where I am coming from.

Everyone's story is different and you cannot dismiss the way that I am feeling. I am concerned about my reality. Never tell someone that it could be worse because this is my worst. Trust is sincerely an act that is earned. Do not fool yourself and believe that it should always be given to you. What makes you so special?

My mind and body cringe when I am faced with the idea of getting comfortable with someone. As much as it sucks for you, it definitely sucks for me. If you think I'm hard to catch, just imagine how much harder I fall. My mind keeps telling me to get over myself, but my heart is yelling, abort the mission. Literally, it's like a war is going on in me at all times when I am faced with the idea of getting to know someone new.

It does not mean that I am not ready or incapable of forming new relationships. It simply means that I will always take my time when warming up to someone. I constantly have to remind myself that I do not owe anyone anything. My intuition is rarely wrong. When you see me trying to put an effort forward, please do not shut me down because I am not moving at your pace. I promise you that I am trying. I am trying to live a normal life that involves smaller obstacles. I get I am not normal, but what is the fun in that? Do as you please because I will forever make sure that I am protecting myself and keeping myself happy.