You don’t know this yet but it’s you, you’re the one. If you are reading this you might not know it yet, but I do. You are the one who completely stole my heart, right out of my chest. The heart I once wore so easily on my sleeve. You are the one who has gotten my head to stop spinning and broke through this barrier that was once a stone wall.
I’ve always been afraid to hold hands too tight. I love, and I love too deep, but I am scared of getting hurt. Thoughts in my mind continue to grow and then over think my already outrageous thoughts. I’m scared of not being enough, scared of being too much. You are the one who has shown me that I am just enough. My self-esteem walked out the door with my past relationships. With you it came right back in, slamming the door behind it.
So please, be gentle with me. Love me and my anxiety. Know that when I ask you 5 times in a row if you’re mad, it’s not because I actually think you’re mad at me, it’s because I need to be reminded that you’re not. When I text you to make sure you get to where you need to be safely, don’t think I’m overprotective; know that I care. I’m scared that I feel for you the way I do. I’m scared that you will walk away and realize that I’m not who you wanted after all. You will see these endless labels of flaws I throw onto myself and just leave. I don’t give myself to anybody, I didn’t choose you because I could. It was a need; I needed you. I needed someone to come into my life like you. Someone to show me the things I always failed to see. I needed you to come into my life so I could give someone the moon, someone who actually deserves it. I’m so glad it was you.
I see what you hide though, the way you tell me only what you want me to know, knowing there’s more. You’re closed, but you’re ripping at the seams. I’ll take my time to open you, to read you. All of your stories are fragile like an old book that’s been mistreated, sitting there on the shelf. You’re craving to be opened, wanting so badly to be held again. I can’t believe I’m the one you trusted with your now boundless spine.
You are my future, and I’ve been yours before you were mine. You are why I let people in my past walk out of my life; you are why they never worked. I’ve always been one to be anxious about that. I tend to let my anxiety glue me to my bed and lock the doors then tape them closed. “Caution Do Not Enter” as if the fresh air was toxic to my health. That’s where you come in. You give me the air my lungs have been aching for; the air I struggle to inhale when I’m in the middle of panic. The doors in my house are always locked; five times I locked those doors. Now, I leave them unlocked for you.
We both have shared heartbreak, we both have been given a reason not to trust someone, now our hearts share a language. So with all of this, I ask you, if I’m trusting you with my future, do you trust me with yours?
Sincerely,
Your Forever
