So many times growing up, I remember thinking to myself, “I just want to be happy.” Or other times I would be facing difficulties with relationships, self-image or my beliefs and think to myself, “If I’m not happy, then I know I must be doing something wrong.” As I’ve matured I’ve realized that there’s nothing wrong with being happy, but there can be something very detrimental about constantly striving for something you’re not meant to feel at a given moment.
I realize as I write this that there are some times when we don’t feel happiness for extended periods of time that may be unhealthy, such as when one experiences depression, anxiety or other symptoms that can be taxing on one’s physical and mental health. In cases like these, it’s always best to reach out and receive the care you need to become healthier. However, I do want to talk about how important it is to recognize and respect our emotions and experiences for what they are instead of trying to “get over them” as soon as possible or mask them.
Why do you feel the way you do?
We experience a variety of emotions for a reason. I’ve come to believe that we’ll never reach our full potential for emotional maturity if we don’t allow ourselves to feel all that there is to feel, and allow ourselves to experience that while learning to overcome it. Sometimes I need to feel a sense of complacency until I get sick of it and start to properly motivate myself. Other times I need that sadness or even brief moments of anger or injustice in order to motivate myself to take steps I need to take in a certain situation. When we allow ourselves to truly reflect on why we’re feeling a certain way, we can begin to understand ourselves and our triggers. And probably most importantly, we’ll never learn how to deal with the diversity of life when all we’re trying to do is get back to our idea of happiness--which changes, by the way, as we grow and experience.
What is happiness, anyway?
Some people’s idea of happiness revolves around love, money or recognition. For others, being content is more satisfying than a pervading sense of happiness--in the face of it all, being content is knowing things aren’t and never will be perfect, and that’s just the way it should be. As I mentioned before, our view of happiness, what it is and how to capture it change over time. Several years ago, my version of happiness would probably involve doing as little as possible and receiving as much as possible in areas of my life, but now I think I feel the happiest when I’ve faced adversity, given so much, and in return I know that what I have left is enough.
What should we strive for?
If I had to give all of my readers one key piece of advice regarding the pursuit of happiness, it would be this: Strive less for happiness and more for genuine emotion and experience. Because when we strive to be as genuine as possible, that’s when we truly find happiness. When we strive to be who we are in a given moment—whether that’s sad, confused, hurt or even just content, then we can recognize “happiness” isn’t an elusive state of mind we have to constantly pursue and reach for--it’s a gift that will find us in due time.
