When I learned that my sister, Cat, was pregnant, I didn’t know what to think. In fact, my first response was “No, you’re not!” In the course of a single day, I experienced a whirlwind of anger, disappointment, and fear. I was afraid that her job prospects would be limited and that her pregnancy would change our family dynamics. In my mind, she had just ruined her life, and I couldn’t fix it.
After the initial shock wore off, I was ashamed of my response. Instead of being supportive, I was critical. As a Christian, I thought I believed babies are a gift, but I treated Cat as though her baby was a mistake, and therefore, not worthy of my congratulations. I knew I needed to change my focus and remind myself every day that her pregnancy was (and is!) a blessing. I just didn't know how. Deciding to put my concerns in God's hands, I prayed for clarity.
Then I received a text message. My best friend, whose brother is an amazing tattoo artist, invited me to go home with her for the weekend. Suddenly, everything clicked. I would get a tattoo. After an hour of searching, I found the perfect photo: a black cat sitting on a Celtic moon out of which flowers are growing. To me, this symbolized that beauty could be found even in the worst of situations. The cat represented my sister and the flowers represented her future, which was as bright and meaningful as ever.
My tattoo hurt. I remember gritting my teeth and closing my eyes, trying not to look as much like a wimp as I felt on the inside and failing miserably. It wasn’t just the pain that concerned me, though. Because I got my tattoo days after learning Cat was pregnant, I was worried I was making a mistake and that I would regret my knee-jerk response to Cat’s shocking announcement. As the needle buzzed in my skin, I breathed in deeply hoping I'd made the right choice.
Months later, I don’t regret my decision. This tattoo has been a constant reminder that life exists outside my comfort zone and that life is beautiful in all its forms. Yes, I was impulsive, and yes, I probably should have done more research before committing to having artwork permanently inked onto my body. At the end of the day, what matters to me is that my tattoo has a meaning. It helped me to cope with a tough situation and find the joy in new life. Looking at my ink is like looking into a mirror — I see the person I want to be and reflect on whether or not I’ve been acting like her. This tattoo has changed my life, and if anyone asked me what it means to me, I would tell them this.
