This article was actually requested by a good friend of mine, but she made a good point. So many girls feel as though they need to be with a guy to define themselves. They define themselves by who they are with, how long they’ve been with them, so on and so forth. When I look at how most girls are raised, I see where this starts and I think it’s time it changes.
From the moment we are born, our parents start saying things like “Awe, look at Susie with her future husband! Aren’t they SO cute?!” As we grow older it turns into “Is _____ your BOYFRIEND? Do you LIKE him? Do you wanna MARRY him?!” As girls, we are groomed to think about prom and our future wedding. Often times, girls are not taught to think about themselves as much as we are taught to think about weddings and if a boy likes us. Which, when you look at how girls are taught to figure out if a boy likes us, there is a problem there as well. “If he’s mean to you he probably likes you. If he hits you he probably likes you. If he runs away from you, he likes you and is playing hard to get. Did he hurt your feelings? Don’t worry sweetie, he probably just likes you.” NO. This is not an okay mindset to teach your daughter, or even son. This is how your kids will base their opinion of the opposite gender for the rest of their lives.
Once a girl becomes old enough to start genuinely liking boys and wanting to date them, all of a sudden it becomes this taboo topic. “Oh honey, you don’t need a boyfriend yet, you’re too young.” “You don’t even know what love is.” Yet our entire lives up until that point was so centered around if a boy liked you or not. Then when we finally can date, most girls are looking for someone to fall in love with because that is what we were taught. You date someone, you fall in love and you get married. Since we watch and learn from our parents and grandparents who were expected to get married before 30, it seems like there is even more pressure to find “the one” as soon as possible. And girls, let's be serious; how many guys actually want to settle down at a relatively “young” age? Very slim to no guys. It’s the harsh reality we face. Yet we still date guys, one after another, hoping, wishing and praying that the next one will be “the one”.
Heartbreak after heartbreak we learn that we’re going to have to be patient and we swear we won’t date anyone again until we and they are ready to settle down. Yet that mindset only lasts a few days or weeks because we have this dire need to fill that void that we’ve been taught can only be filled by finding someone to love. A void we didn’t even know existed until we started dating. Maybe that’s what our parents were talking about when they said we were too young, but how were we supposed to know? Then finally you realize that you do NOT need a man to be happy. You do NOT need a man to be worth something. You do NOT need a man to define you. You define yourself by the goals you set for yourself. By where YOU take yourself in life. Eventually, the right guy will come along and join you on YOUR adventure and even then, he does not define you. Your worth has nothing to do with who you are with, and anyone who tells you or makes you feel otherwise is lying to you and to themselves.
At the end of the day, remember you define who you are. Who you are with, or are not with, does not. We need to stop teaching our daughters that the best moments of their lives include guys or dates. That notion is simply not true. That notion is why girls get so heartbroken over getting dumped. Though there may be feelings for the person, a lot of the time we are more upset that we are losing another chance at a love we thought we needed. A love that could have been toxic but we were willing to ignore because that is what we had witnessed from the generations before us. We are willing to sacrifice happiness and health for something we think we need - that we're taught that we need. But you do not need it. You do NOT need to be in a relationship to be happy or have worth. You, in and of yourself, are enough.
