Once upon a time, I thought I was going to marry my high-school sweetheart. Once upon a time wasn’t even that long ago. I pride myself on not letting my emotions get too much in the way of reason, but it is all too easy to get wrapped up in the teenage version of the American Dream. Every girl imagines herself falling in love in with the quarterback of her high school and becoming prom queen and king or “Cutest Couple.” You're supposed to drive in a pick up down dirt roads together or something -- isn’t that what all those songs are about? It was supposed to be so easy.
I am still proud to say that I had a high-school sweetheart. It is like I achieved something that most of the population cannot. Someone liked me through the awkwardness and weird poetry. I didn’t even have to try when it came to getting a prom date. But why are we so fixated on the notion of high-school sweethearts spending the rest of their lives together? We are not in the 1600s where women aren’t educated and popping out babies at 16. So why did I feel that it was paramount that I stayed with a boy I had been with since I was 14? I think it might have to do with purity. Girls should set their goal to be with as few people as possible. Also, with the purity notion comes the competition between women to “get the guy.” Gotta get a guy to the altar as soon as possible, before you're an old hag. Any way you cut it, though, it’s bullsh*t. Fall in love with the guy not the idea.
There will always be a part of me that loves John, my own high-school sweetheart. I will always care about him. We grew up together. First “real” relationship, first kiss, first high-school dance, first time having sex. But not all those firsts are all that great because the reality is that growing up is painful, especially when you are so closely tied to one person. Fights can be really ugly when neither of you is really all that mature, and emotions are running so high. Sheryl Crow was right when she said that “first cut is the deepest.” First breakups are nasty. Now, quadruple that because of the sheer amount of time and effort you've spent on or with a person -- frick fracking sucks. Maybe all that pain is necessary to escape pain further along the line or to have greater joys than you have now.
Have fun after high school; your 20s are not meant to be stationary. Screw those pickup truck rides and back roads (or really, screw in that pickup truck on that back road with that guy you only went to that party with once). Screw “ring by spring.” Buy yourself a ring. Paint your nails black and know that you own your own destiny. Go on dates and, for once, don’t define anything. Go on a date with one guy on Friday and another on Saturday. Maybe Wednesday, you let a girl take you out, because hell, it might be fun. For once in your young-adult life, you don’t have to match someone else’s schedule. You don’t have to feel like you have a future mother-in-law to impress. Sleep alone and kick your blankets around because you can -- also, buy a body pillow. This will help on the lonely nights where you regret letting go of stability and having someone else.
Breaking up with your high-school sweetheart doesn’t mean there isn't a bond between you two. In fact, it's a bond that no one else will understand, because breaking up means you shouldn’t be friends anymore. Your best friends will not get it. They will not get why you stay up talking to him on the phone or text him all day. They might even chastise you or make snide comments about it, but your feelings are valid and after all, he was probably their for you way before they were, and that counts for something. When you’re 50 years old and telling your grandchildren about when you were young, you're probably going to look fondly on those memories. But you’re also going to have even better memories with other boyfriends and friends. It’s OK to love your high-school sweetheart, but love yourself more.
For the same reason you don’t want high school to be the best years of your life, you don’t want your high-school relationship to be the best of your life.
