This is a question I ask myself everyday. Am I going to let the anxiety I've had for years keep me in bed for the day? Am I going to let it win? OR will I overcome? Will I force myself out of bed, make myself take a shower, and make myself look presentable before I take on my day?
I know I'm not the only one on this earth who faces this question every morning. Some mornings, I wake up with a smile on my face and I'll jump right out of bed. Other days, I find myself having a hard time finding the energy to get out of bed, feeling hopeless and depressed.
I used to be that person who had to force themselves to get out of bed, drink my coffee, and get to my classes in my pjs. Freshman year, I thought that was the norm. Now, three years later, I can't even imagine the idea of leaving the house in sweats!
Once I finally took the initiative to really live the life I've been given, I am now that person who tries to wake up with a smile on their face.
In my last article, I listed 10 things that I am grateful for. I acknowledge that I'm very blessed, and I want to live out the best life I can, everyday!
Like anyone who has ever suffered with anything (so like, everyone in this world,) I will have my down days. These happen every once in a while. I am so happy that I have taken to writing and exercising when I need to release that negative energy. Recently, I've been a lot better about not letting little things ruin my day.
Story time: My senior year of high school, after a boyfriend broke up with me, I had lost all sense of self esteem. I started self-harming before that break up, and honestly, looking back, I don't blame him.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college. In just the span of just five months (which seemed like an eternity at the time,) I was sexually assaulted, I lost five significant people in my life, I took to self harm again, and I had completely lost my faith.
After going on a TEC retreat, which I still am convinced is what saved me, I started to dive into my faith again. I finally got help from my doctors and a few different psychologists, and I eventually got to where I am at today. I still have quite a bit of a ways to go with working on myself, but I'm willing to keep working towards being the best me I can be.
During those months of mourning, I didn't even see a point in living anymore. I let myself become the victim by skipping whole days of class just to stay in bed all day. I let myself become the victim by not letting myself open up to others and stay connected to my friends. I let myself be the victim by allowing a good part of myself slowly die.
Once I finally got help, I realized that life is important. I realized that life is a gift, and if God wasn't taking me home just yet, I'm obviously still meant to do many great things on this earth.
I still fight my battles everyday. I'm not a superhuman, and I never will be. I am aware that I will most likely never forget some of the traumatic events I've experienced.
However, I am Elsa Clarice Chase. I am a strong, smart, kind, beautiful, and capable human being. I know I have my issues, but I am not a victim of my experiences. I make the best out of every situation, and I am the best me that'll ever be.
Now, I want you all who are reading to go back and read those last three sentences, replacing my name with yours.
Sounds nice, doesn't it? Add that to your list of affirmations.
Make it a great week, you guys. I want you all to be fighters this week, not victims. You've got this.
