I always try to be as positive as possible because I believe having a good attitude can lead to a better life. With this in mind, I always find it incredibly discouraging when I have a random bad day. It seems like no matter how hard I try it can just be impossible to always be happy, or even just usually be happy.

These bad days can come out of nowhere; one day I will feel overjoyed like nothing could possibly go wrong and the next I feel completely empty inside. Sometimes the change of emotions even happens on the same day, repeatedly. Most of the time I have no idea why I am even feeling the way I am.

When I start to have one of my bad days the simplest tasks seem impossible. Can I even get out of bed today? It's hard to convince myself that I should. Some days, even after thinking long and hard about leaving, I have to stay in bed. I feel as if leaving would make everything worse. I cannot move. These days I'm always a second away from tears. Anything can set me off at any moment. I hate feeling so weak. Sometimes one thing stays on my mind all day and the thoughts can actually make me nauseous. I can not escape my own thoughts and it haunts me.

When I'm in one of these moods I'll scroll through my phone and feel as if there is no one that I can talk to. (Of course when I'm in any other mood I have the best friends and family that I could ever ask for and I know that.) I feel so alone and like no matter how hard I am trying I will never truly have anyone by my side.

I just tend to feel hopeless and nothing except time can ever make a substantial difference. I try to watch movies, paint my nails, snuggle up in bed and even eating my feelings (this is usually the times I find my four-pound jar of peanut butter most useful). It's always a surprise to me when eating does not make me feel better! How could stuffing my face with unhealthy food not brighten my mood? It makes no sense, I know.

It is really hard to accept that a bad day every now and again is not unusual and that it is not the end of the world. It just does not seem fair that even when I'm closely following my daily medicine schedule I will still have bad days. It is so discouraging.

I always think, "This time it really will not get better." I try to remind myself that I've been here before and it always does get better. I always find something after these days that I find so valuable and am so grateful for. I try to think of my family and my future goals and my desire to help others in the same way that I've had so much help and continue to get help. I need to make a difference, and I will not let these bad days stop me from doing so.