I thought I had my life figured out. Don’t we all think that at some point? Then, of course, life happened. Now here I am, nearing the end of my freshman year in college and I have done a complete three sixty; ending back where I started in high school. I have changed my mind in such drastic ways that I don't even know where or what I will be doing next year. I do not know what I am having for dinner, how I am going to make enough money for my tuition or if I want to completely change my major. I just do not know! I am afraid, but at the same time liberated. There are just so many unanswered questions taunting me from every direction. Maybe you can relate?
Our lives are constantly being bombarded with situations that need to be decided on. Some of these decisions are not so complicated, such as deciding on what to eat for breakfast, but others feel as if they dictate the rest of our existence. The realization that not everything needs a decision right now has certainly helped me in processing all the inquiries being demanded of me. Sure, I don’t always know if I am making the right decision, but time doesn’t care whether you are right or wrong. You simply have to do what you think is best.
As each day passes by I am constantly working on being thankful for all the confusing times in my life. I question almost everything in my life at some point or another. Doing this aids me in my own personal growth and forces me to become vulnerable, exposing my real and authentic self. What I want in life now, certainly was not what I wanted before. As life moves on, I change as an individual. Never questioning my decisions would only lead me to unhappiness. Not knowing exactly what I am doing has allowed me to explore what I am able to offer this world and to be resilient when times are not ideal.
Most of us need to work on looking for the lessons in everything that happens. I have learned to take life day by day and I am slowly becoming more comfortable in being able to make necessary changes, even when every aching bone in my body is urging me down a path I know will be a dead end. We must realize that every day is a journey, unique in the fact that you will never be granted those exact moments in your life ever again. Sometimes it’s better not to know what you are doing because you have more of a chance of pleasantly surprising yourself if you have faith.
Being a Christian I believe that God knows why each and every person is living the way they are. I get through my most puzzling days by trusting in Him. I know that He created the flowers, animals, and anything any of us could possibly imagine so how could He possibly neglect you and me? We were created in His image and likeness. I have recently come across a quote that states, “Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He is trying to change your heart.” I believe that this quote can provide us all some insight into accepting what has been presented to us. We all have had those days where we wonder why the answer isn’t simply disposed to us. Perhaps the answer is right in front our eyes, but we just don’t have the proper vision to see it.
I don't necessarily know what tomorrow will bring me, but I am okay with that. I have a love for humanity and a heart that is willing to be given to those forgotten. As each day passes and I become older it becomes challenging to not fall into the trap of thinking that I am merely existing if I don’t have a plan, but I want to remind us all that the most beautiful moments in life are never part of a plan.
