A friend has come to you, they tell you that they have depression, or maybe your boyfriend tells you that he was recently diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. What do you do? As a society, this is a question that we have an enormous trouble answering, not least because we tend to have a pre-existing idea about mental illness and what it is.
The first thing we need to accept about mental illness is that, for most of it, it's incurable or chronic. We often try to think of creative ways to help someone cure their mental illness, but this is somewhat counter-productive and is different than we try to treat physical illness. You don't usually go up to your friend who is suffering from leukemia and say "Hey, if you try doing this thing, maybe it'll help you beat your leukemia," yet we tend to do those things with mental illness. We can treat the symptoms of mental illness with things like antidepressants, anti-psychosis medications, or other such medications, but in the same way that we can't really cure things like Crohn's Disease or an amputation, we really can't cure mental illness.
The next thing that needs to enter the public consciousness is the following saying: "Mental illness is an explanation, but never an excuse." This is a somewhat controversial saying that many people disagree with. Like if someone has Dissociative Identity Disorder, (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder,) they might do something hurtful or even illegal while they're dissociating. But what we often overlook in these situations is that these actions are not made independently of the will. It's not like their hands are moving of their own accord as if they developed their own brains.
This leads into the next thing we have to accept. Sometimes someone might say "If you leave me, I'm going to kill myself." Or you might want to help your friend who is going through a manic episode of their Bipolar Disorder, even if helping them is coming at the cost of your health or well-being. And it might seem selfish to try and take care of yourself instead of your friend. However, this is where things can get tricky. We tend to demonize people who don't help others, say things like "Wow, look at how selfish this person is when this other person very clearly needs their help." But if you end up getting sick or injured because you are placing someone else's well-being above your own, then you can't help them anyway. You need to take care of yourself first, even if it means that you have to take a break from someone. By taking care of yourself, you're not being selfish. In fact, you could look at it in this way: "By making sure I am healthy, I am ensuring that I can be around later in life to continue to provide help to this person."
As a society, there are many things that we need to do in regards to how we deal with mental illness. Over the next few weeks, I will be talking about many of the mental illness terms that we use every day that, to be honest, we need to stop using. Just as you would never make a joke about a friend of yours having MS, we need to stop making light of many mental illnesses and terms that we use every day that goes along with them.
Now, you may be wondering, "How do I help someone without burning myself out?" This is something that I could write a very long speech or paper about, but the short version of my answer is this: ask them. Many times, if you simply ask someone "What can I do to help you?" For example, one of my best friends suffers from moderate paranoid schizophrenia. And when he confided in me about his condition, the question I asked him were, "What can I do to help?" and "What kind of signs should I look for when a period of psychosis is coming on or occurring?" And he was able to tell me.
As a society, we need to look at not only how or why we treat people with mental illness, but we also need to begin to modify and adapt our lexicon/jargon/vernacular regarding mental illness so that we can not only stop using these words in an incorrect fashion but also so that we can begin to do away with our preconceived notions about what mental illness is and its symptoms.
And finally, we come to the close. I appreciate you making it this far. By understanding mental illness and the symptoms for each particular illness, we can not only become a more effective helper to those who may suffer from any kind of mental illness, but we can also be more efficient with helping our friends while still being able to take care of our health. You are under no obligation to help people deal with their mental illnesses, and if helping them is starting to have a negative impact on your life in any capacity then you can take a break or reduce the amount of time that you devote to helping that one person and allow yourself time to recuperate and take care of yourself. Because if you don't take care of yourself, then it becomes even harder to help them anyway.
