If I’m completely honest, something I have a habit of doing on this website, I will tell you that I haven’t been having the easiest time in college. There’s the average stress that college courses automatically instill upon entering classrooms, but there’s also a lot of social stress I never expected. I guess I prepared myself for the average peer pressure and temptations that I thought I would face with college life. Instead, I’ve been more stressed by the constant presence of people. There have been days where I feel like I hardly get a minute alone, and because every student is afraid of not having friends, college often feels like a never-ending mixer, complete with ice breakers and traveling in large packs of terrified first years.

I’ve come to realize, more than before, just how much I love to be alone. I’m not saying I want to run away to North Dakota and lock myself in a bunker with nothing but a good book and a journal to keep me company, although some days that does feel like a nice alternative. What I mean is, I need time alone in order to be happy. I am by no means shy or quiet, and I’ve been an out and proud extrovert for as long as I can remember, but I don’t think extroversion and introversion are mutually exclusive. I am outgoing, but I need to recharge. I need to do my homework alone, go on silent, long runs, and watch a whole episode of a TV show without talking to someone during it. I go to classes with other students, eat meals with other students, workout with other students, and live with other students. There is hardly a minute in the day where I am perfectly alone. However, I think what’s really been making me blue lately is the pressure every college student seems to feel to make a best friend. Best friends are great, from what I hear, but I have one large problem. I don’t believe in best friends.

I was sitting in my German class this week, feeling slightly smothered by the amount of time I was spending talking to and socializing with other people, when I realized why social life has been so stressful for me. My German professor was talking about comparative words, such as good, better, and best. I realized in that moment that the reason I don’t like the term best friend is because “best,” to me, means that one person is the absolute greatest, towering over all other friends.

I don’t believe I have a best friend. I have a few close friends that I’ve collected throughout my life, and each of them is good at something. Some are good listeners, some make me laugh, and some are great at sitting quietly and holding my hand when I am sad. What I love most about my gaggle of close friends is that we can be emotionally close without spending every minute together. Most of my close friends and I are separated by miles, if not oceans, and still, I feel their presence and their love without needing to know where they are at every minute. My closest friends are laid back. They like to check in on me every couple of days or once a week, sometimes less often, and honestly, if they wanted to know about my schedule every day, I would probably feel suffocated. For me, it feels very natural and freeing to spend a couple hours alone, knowing that I have the power to make my own decisions without needing to consult someone else.

Maybe it’s different for other students. I’m sure it is. No one is the same, but my closest and most ideal friendships are never clingy. We grow and thrive, waxing and waning, both towards and away from one another. No matter where we go, we always keep the other in mind, knowing that when we need to be listened to, to laugh, or just to sit quietly and hold someone’s hand, we have one another to call.