When is the last time you can remember being “judgmental” about something? Maybe you are thinking right now, “Me, judgmental? I am the LAST person to judge what a person does with their life!” Well same yo. I am a great listener. I am easy going – to name a few qualities about myself. Although this is true, it is human nature to judge. We all are cultured to a specific way of living and we all try to live in a way we personally believe to be the most correct way. Judgement can occur toward others or ourselves and the amount we act on each differs between individuals. For me, I tend to be very hard on myself. Not only do I judge myself unkindly sometimes, but in addition, I blame and judge myself for the “negative” ways a person interacts with me.

I met someone recently who gave me a great analogy. We can choose each day to wear a Velcro or Teflon suit. In other words, we can choose to eternalize or let go of situations out of our control. As we go about our individual lives, we are surrounded with various people – both friends, families, co-workers and people in passing we don’t personally know. The amount of people varies for each person. For example, some days especially during the summer, I see nobody except my dad and two brothers. I am a college student, so when school is in session, I see hundreds of people a day – people on my way to class, roommates, professors, peers, etc.

Each day we can choose to live with a Velcro or Teflon suit. Typically, we tend to wear the Velcro suit - from the way someone looks at you, a driver honks at you in traffic, somebody forgets to hold the door for you… When we choose to wear the Velcro suit, we take in every single interaction with people. Over the course of a day, the experiences we perceive, especially negative ones, become heavy. By the end of the day, what could have started as a small Velcro ball on our suits, amounts to a heavy-weighted Velcro ball – too heavy for us to be wearing day after day.

If you are an insightful and perceptive person like myself, it is important to be aware of interactions and your surroundings, but it is also important to realize that is only your perspective. Everybody experiences difficult life situations and we can’t possibly know what is going through each person’s mind when we interact with them. People tend to take things personally by the way someone interacts with them, but it is important to realize this is often not the case. We don’t know what a person is thinking or going through. We are not them. We can only be accountable for ourselves. This is something I often forget when life gets busy and stressful.

I am a perceptive person and often my gut feelings are accurate – about myself and usually about other people. I am really good at picking up on people’s feelings or personality traits, sometimes without even talking to them. Even though I consider this somewhat of a talent, I tend to rely on this more than I should sometimes. I am naturally a sensitive person, I tend to get along with most people – these are just part of my personality… But I often forget to wear my Teflon suit.

In therapy something we talk about is using “wise mind.” Wise mind is a technique in which the logical and emotional traits of our mind are both taken into consideration before acting on a situation or making a decision. It is never good to solely rely on our “emotional” mind or solely on our “logical” mind. I tend to be an emotional person – that is just how I am. For me, taking a step back from the emotional end can be really difficult. For me individually, I tend to take what others say or do personally – whether it is intentional or not. I naturally tend to be a people pleaser. I want to make people happy and I want to solve other people’s problems – even when it is not my place. I sometimes have a hard time pulling back from others. Where I often have an open mind towards others, I don’t tend to in situations concerning myself. I forget to put myself first and wear my Teflon suit. Just because someone says something or does something, does not mean it has to have an emotional effect on you. We can choose to be in control of our feelings and what situations we want to be emotionally invested in.

Don't be so judgmental. Whether the judgement is toward yourself or the way another person chooses to live their lives. I understand this is much easier said then done. Hey, this is something I am still trying to conquer. The first step in living a judgement free life is mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply being aware. So in this situation, being aware of areas in which you are inflecting judgement. For example, this last semester was really difficult for me for a number of reasons. I considered withdrawing at one point, because I really needed to take care of my health and I wasn’t. Because school is really important to me, I forced myself to finish the semester. In therapy, we recently talked about traits we believe about ourselves. I said something along the lines of, “I am a determined person. I have showed this recently by finishing the semester even though I should have taken a break… I somehow received good grades and I don’t know how I did that.” This is true; I am proud of myself for getting through a rough time and not letting it negatively effect my academics. But, I should have stopped after the second sentence or after the ‘finishing the semester’ piece. I did well and moved forward. That’s all that matters here. By simply saying I don’t know how I did so well, I am taking credit away from myself. I worked really hard. I deserved to do well. I deserve to give myself the credit of doing well. Who cares how I got there. I was judgmental to myself in this specific situation.

Please be mindful of what you are thinking about when involving yourself and other people. It is okay to be judgmental. Again, it is human tendency. It is important to be mindful when you do it, so you can fix it in the future. Living a judgement-free life can only lead to a happier and healthy life. Everyone is entitled to the way they feel. If someone irritates you – that’s OK. If someone makes you angry – that’s OK. It is the way we handle the feelings which shows what kind of person we are. What someone else is going through is unique to that person. What someone else believes to be important is personal to that individual. You don’t need to understand someone else’s happiness. It is not your place… But we can all choose to be respectful and open minded to another person’s perspective. We don’t have to agree with it, but we can be open minded to try and understand where they are coming from. Different people grow in different ways and different times. If we all liked the same things, had the same triggers, had the same jobs, etc., life would be pretty boring.

Let your decisions set you free. Let your judgement set you free. Whether you struggle with being hard on yourself, others, or both. Please be kind. Don’t take away the potential happiness with which you have been gifted. When it comes down to it, we should all be making decisions to make ourselves happy. If we are letting other people interfere with those decisions, we are really not living for ourselves. We are continuing a judgmental life style, which only – at the end of the day – harms no one but yourself. Let’s all make a promise to ourselves to live a hopeful lifestyle. A lifestyle with awareness that we will make mistakes. We will make judgements. People are imperfect and they will always be that way. Be open minded to that. Hold yourself responsible, make decisions that will be the most effective way to move forward in your life. Not sure what decision to make? Give yourself time. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Trust yourself to make the right decision. Trust yourself to make mistakes. Mistakes can only help us learn and grow. Do yourself a favor and be judgement free.