When I was attending my alma mater, some people from my undergraduate department voiced that I would struggle either in graduate school or in my career. Initially, I believed them. I made the mistake of letting their ableism shape how I see myself. After getting waitlisted and rejected at my alma mater, I contemplated switching careers. I even considered not attending graduate school at all. Every Plan B resurfaced, and every doubt.
Fortunately, I accepted an offer at another program.
But the battle did not end there…
When I started graduate school, I was hesitant to disclose that I am autistic to my cohort and professors. I hesitated out of fear of being treated differently by both peers and professors. During orientation week, the doubts placed on me during my undergraduate career returned. During class one day, my legs shook due to the build-up of anxiety. They have returned at other points this semester, too. While I am very open about being autistic on social media, and disclosed it on my program applications, I still hesitated to bring it up in conversation.
I slowly opened up about what happened at my alma mater to some classmates. One of them said they are glad I am here. After these conversations, I realized further how messed up my situation really was. Before graduate school, I was led to believe that the people who placed these doubts on me were trying to help me. Eventually, I briefly brought it up during a class discussion. One professor said they are thankful that I am in the program. The words that I needed to hear, both from faculty and classmates. I realized that my feelings were and still are valid.
After further accepting that my alma mater was not what God had planned, I realized something. Their opinions do not define me. I went to graduate school anyways. I have a few things that I wish they could hear.
To those people:
Thank you.
Thank you for your ableism. Because of you, I used your doubts as motivation. Because of you, I realized I am darn well capable of becoming an SLP. Because of you, I realized that I belong in this field. Because of you, I am THRIVING. Your ableism did not stop me.
